IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Film stars and celebrities often share their views on public matters that have little to do with their profession. Is this a positive or negative development?

#film #stars #celebrities #matters #profession #development
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In recent years, there has been a noticeable involvement of celebrities and actors towards
the
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apply
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public matters. In my
opinion
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,
this
Linking Words
 trend is positive as by using their position they can deliver
social
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a social
the social
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 message, promote confidence among folk and shift attention to serious concerns.
This
Linking Words
 essay will highlight how
this
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 scenario could turn out advantageous
provides
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provided
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 thorough research is carried out by the film stars before forming an
opinion
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.
To begin
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 with,
one
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 of the main advantages of opinionated celebrities is that it fosters awareness about some major concerns among the
people
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 of society.
This
Linking Words
 happens as individuals often consider popular stars as their role models and listen to their views before shaping an
opinion
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.
for example
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,
one
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 of the famous
actress
Change to a plural noun
actresses
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 from India utilized her platform to provide support to the acid attack victims.
This
Linking Words
 led
people
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 to become aware and stay protected.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, when renowned
people
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 pen down regarding an issue it inculcates confidence among the
people
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 as they feel supported.
This
Linking Words
 approach can be useful to promote peace and harmony among the citizens. Despite these benefits, it is imperative to acknowledge that famous
people
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 should not form an
opinion
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 as
such
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.
This
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 is because they are followed by a huge number of
people
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, proper research should be conducted by them or by their team before they let their views aired.
One
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such
Linking Words
 wrong move by them could have
devastating
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a devastating
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 impact on the nation.
For example
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, Akshay Kumar, a
bollywood
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Bollywood
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 actor, who is known for his routine and fitness was badly criticised by the audience when he promoted
tobacoo
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tobacco
 usage in
one
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the
Change preposition
of the
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 advertisements.
Thus
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, it could have
negative
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a negative
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affect
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effect
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 on natives. In conclusion, I believe that as long as the
view points
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viewpoints
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 of
the
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celebrities are based on thorough knowledge, they can assist in
deliverance
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the deliverance
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 of deep social messages and
instill
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instil
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 confidence among
people
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, which can make it a positive
overall
Linking Words
 development.
Submitted by plkkhati on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clearer distinction between each argument presented. Consider using linking words to highlight the transition between ideas more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be sure to proofread for small grammatical errors and punctuation, which can occasionally disrupt the flow.
Task Response
While the essay responds well to the task, providing more elaboration on how celebrities could negatively influence would add depth and balance.
Task Response
Ensure each paragraph's main point is clearly supported by examples or explanations, which may involve expanding certain sections.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, successfully framing and summarizing the discussion.
Task Achievement
The author efficiently uses examples, such as the Indian actress supporting acid attack victims, to substantiate their points.
Task Achievement
Key opinions and arguments are clearly articulated, with an effort to link back to the prompt and answer it comprehensively.
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