Studies shows that many criminals do not receive enough education, for this reason, people believe that the best ways to reduce crime is to educate them so they can find a job after being released. Do you agree or disagree.
Number
of crimes committed each year Change the article
The number
are
dramatically increasing Correct subject-verb agreement
is
due to
many factors. There is an opinion that Linking Words
education
could eliminate the criminal rates and preserve people from crime commitment. Others believe that Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
measure
will not give Fix the agreement mistake
measures
sufficiant
results. Correct your spelling
sufficient
Although
there are convincing arguments on both sides, I strongly Linking Words
belive
that Correct your spelling
believe
education
should be conducted in prisons.
One argument put forward in favour of Use synonyms
education
is that criminal activity is Use synonyms
favored
by low-income among certain people and their desire to get what others have. In order to tackle Change the spelling
favoured
such
Linking Words
problem
the job-seeking processes should be facilitated and criminals should be taught the reliable Fix the agreement mistake
problems
knowledges
to find a job after being released. These measures will prevent them from stealing and defrauding other people, as their income would be sufficient to cover their needs. Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
For instance
, Linking Words
in
many countries where an educational system in prisons when being released, showed Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
an
increadible
decline Correct your spelling
incredible
of
criminal incidents. Change preposition
in
Thus
, it could be Linking Words
useful
way to help former prisoners to be involved in society, as it permits them to socialize and find new connections outside the prison.
Add an article
a useful
However
, it could be prohibitively expensive to educate the criminals, as we must consider teachers' Linking Words
salary
and special lecture Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
room
, which will probably require rebuilding the prison. Tax rates devoted to prisons are high and it could become Fix the agreement mistake
rooms
overhelming
, reducing the financial Correct your spelling
overwhelming
ressources
dedicated Correct your spelling
resources
for
medical chores, public transport and maintenance of historical buildings. Change preposition
to
Nevertheless
, in my Linking Words
opinion
whilst these duties are important, the most crucial task for today is to help prisoners to retake their normal life and Add the comma(s)
opinion,
assure
safety in the cities, Verb problem
ensure
Linking Words
otherwise
we will not be able to use subways without fear and admire the monuments without meeting a pickpocket.
In conclusion, I would like to say that Add a comma
otherwise,
this
problem is multileveled and we should consider it not only in terms of Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
psychological therapy and even psychiatric help, as mental illness often overcome the acquired Linking Words
knowledges
.Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on tightening the logical flow between your paragraphs. For example, ensure each paragraph leads naturally to the next one and that ideas are connected smoothly.
Task Response
Some ideas could be more clearly elaborated upon to ensure comprehensive coverage. Consider expanding on why education has shown positive results in reducing crime.
Task Response
Try to support your main points with more precise examples or data to make your argument stronger and more credible.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively outline your viewpoint and summarise your argument, providing a clear perspective from beginning to end.
Task Response
You’ve tackled the issue from multiple angles, discussing both the benefits and potential drawbacks of educating criminals.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.