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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below show the percentage of water used in different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The chart below show the percentage of water used in different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#show #percentage #water #sectors #sydney #australia #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts reveal information about the amounts of
water
Use synonyms
 used in five different types of
industry
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: service
industry
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, building
industry
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, household use, manufacturing, and
food
Use synonyms
industry
Use synonyms
 in Sydney and Australia between 1997 and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 1997 the
food
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industry
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 consumed the highest
water
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 percentage at 48%,
while
Linking Words
 the building
industry
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 required the least at only 5%. In the
last
Linking Words
 year, the statistics did not face any massive shifts,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
food
Use synonyms
industry
Use synonyms
 still used the most
water
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 and the building
industry
Use synonyms
 used the least. In 1997, the top of the chart was owned by the
food
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industry
Use synonyms
 at approximately one-half,
while
Linking Words
 in 2007
this
Linking Words
 amount slightly declined to more than two-fifths of the total. The portion used by the building
industry
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 faced a two-fold decrease from 5% in 1997 to an insignificant amount at only 2%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the household
industry
Use synonyms
 sector was second to the
food
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 sector at around one-fifth of the entire quantity in 1997, increasing to just over one-fifth at 21% in the period of 10 years. In the first year, the service
industry
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 appropriated less than one-fifth of the
water
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 used at 13%,
while
Linking Words
 the manufacturing
industry
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 occupied 15% of the total. Surprisingly, in 2007 the service sector doubled its
water
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 consumption, using one-quarter of the complete sum,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 the manufacturing
industry
Use synonyms
 showed a downward trend to 11%.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, industry, food with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amounts" was used 3 times.
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