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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is the responsibility of schools to teach children good behavior in addition to providing formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#responsibility #schools #children #behavior #addition #education
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It is often argued that schools should make a contribution in preparing
children
Use synonyms
 and shaping their personality, as same as formal education. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea because learning institutions have to be taught good behaviour in order to release a good person into society. On the one hand, teaching moral values was the responsibility of the schools,
such
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 as shaping, honesty, and helping others. Because correction of mistakes and observation of
children
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's attitudes should be under supervision,
such
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 as by psychiatrists.
Moreover
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, not all parents are educated or free to observe their
children
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 well.
For example
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, it is noticeable that the difference is between the child who goes to school in comparison to others who
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not
join
Verb problem
go
show examples
 to school. The difference will appear in their way of self-cleansing and their way of thinking.
On the other hand
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, providing
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
regular subjects is crucial to developing their skills, giving
children
Use synonyms
 knowledge, and enhancing their productivity in the future.
Additionally
Linking Words
, schools will open doors to know their passion and determination for their coming career.
Therefore
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,
preparation
Correct article usage
the preparation
show examples
 of students to be effective members of the community,
although
Linking Words
 increasing self-independency and encouraging them to be more confident, all these factors are insane level with their academic achievements.
Submitted by afnan.sa1992 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your paragraphs for better coherence, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Work on creating clear and detailed examples to support your main ideas, making your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position, which is important for a good task response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay addresses the prompt logically, covering both moral education and formal education aspects.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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