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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Taking extra
curriculum
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 regardless of
students
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' personal discipline has been a vital topic of debate.
While
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 some people believe that
students
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, who are interested in being educated in different subjects, should have freedom, others would argue that it is essential for
students
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 to just focus on their personal subjects.
Although
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 both sides of the argument highlight important issues which will be discussed, followed by my view. First of all, taking extra
curriculum
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 can lead to various benefits for both
students
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 and universities.
Therefore
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, if
students
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 are interested in pursuing different
courses
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, it will result in obtaining higher knowledge. A prime illustration of
this
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 is a college student who enrols in different subjects
such
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 as art and technology
while
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 her personal discipline is math. So, if she could dedicate specific time to take all of these
courses
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, she would
finally
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 feel
overall
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 fulfilment and a proud sense of pride.
Moreover
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, some
students
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 are inherently enabled to take extra
curriculum
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due to
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 the fact that, they are more intelligent compared to their peers.
On the other hand
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, making an effort to achieve success in professional discipline can significantly result in higher success in the future.
For instance
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, consider a student who has just taken and studied her professional
courses
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 over the years. So, if she wants to take a career, she might be more successful compared to those who take different
courses
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 without
deep
Correct article usage
a deep
show examples
 understanding. In conclusion, there are various opinions about taking extra
curriculum
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.
While
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 some individuals believe that it is essential to study in the main course, others believe that taking extra
courses
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 can lead to a variety of benefits
such
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 as obtaining higher knowledge. I firmly advocate the latest view and believe that
students
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 should have the freedom to enrol in different
courses
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 that they are interested in.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure, consider using clear transition phrases between your paragraphs and ideas. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily and strengthen your essay's coherence.
task achievement
Your essay could be further improved by providing more detailed examples or elaborating on the examples already used. For instance, when discussing the benefits of studying multiple disciplines, providing specific real-world scenarios could make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
You have successfully presented both views of the argument clearly, showcasing a balanced analysis. This demonstrates strong task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, setting a clear framework for your essay. They effectively present your personal view, which is an essential part of the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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