IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instruments in 2005, 2010, 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#bar #percentage #school #children #instruments #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The graph gives information about how many students were interested in playing a musical instrument among four different ones in 2005, 2010, and 2015. For the
begin
Replace the word
beginning
show examples
, a
graduall
Correct your spelling
gradual
gradually
 increase is observable in the number of attendees of both piano and guitar courses, which is the most significant rise. Starting at nearly 10, and doubling for 2010 and
consicutively
Correct your spelling
consecutively
 for 2015, they reach at nearly 40.
However
,
while
 marginally more
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
show examples
 went to
pian
Correct your spelling
piano
show examples
 class in the first years, more of them attended
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
guitar class
at the end
. With just under five students in 2005,
Correct article usage
the drumes
show examples
drumes
Correct your spelling
drums
 course
remaind
Correct your spelling
remained
remain
remains
 unchanged for 2010,
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
Correct article usage
a negligibly
show examples
negligibly
Change the adverb
negligible
show examples
 increase in the number of fans, it was the third music course with
high
Change the article
a high
the high
show examples
 number of attendees
at the end
.
Although
,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of the period more people
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
violin
Change the article
the violin
show examples
, slightly below 10,
violin
Add an article
the violin
show examples
 was the least
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 musical instrument in 2015.
Overall
, high school students were more eager
on learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
 piano and guitar;
in contrast
, their passion fell for violin under examining years.
Submitted by faraisam33 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: