IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some organisations belive that their employees should dress smartly . Others value quality of work above appearance . Discuss both these views and give your own opinion .

#organisations #belive #employees #dress #value #quality #work #appearance
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Nowadays,there are more and more organisations and
Use synonyms
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies that
show examples
 allow their
employees
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 to
dress
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casual
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casually
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instead
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 of having
an
Change the article
a
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uniform
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 or formal
dressing
Replace the word
dress
show examples
.Some
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organisation
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organisations
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 still
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that it is important for
employees
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 to
dress
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 smartly,
however
Linking Words
,some value the
quality
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 of
work
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 more than appearance.In
thi
Correct your spelling
this
the
 essay,I will be discussing
on
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apply
show examples
both views of valuing formal dressing and valuing the
quality
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 of
work
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. There are many
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organisation
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organisations
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 still providing
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uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
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 or
requirig
Correct your spelling
requiring
employees
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 to
dress
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 smart to
work
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,in which there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a lot of advantages.
Firstly
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,
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dress
Wrong verb form
dressing
show examples
 smart can provide people
a
Add the preposition
with a
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good first impression,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is really important for a
company
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 to have.Not only for
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
 but
also
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 partners, making them believe that your
company
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 is
uniform
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 and trustworthy can provide more
work
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 opportunities for the
organiation
Correct your spelling
organisation
organization
.
Secondly
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,smart dressing can
increase
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 the sense of belonging of the
employees
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 to the
company
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,and eventually
increase
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 the
efficiency
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 of
work
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.When you and your coworkers
dress
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 smart together and become
uniform
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,you may feel that you belong to
this
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 family. When
employees
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felt
Wrong verb form
feel
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 the love in the
company
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,they will be motivated and
work
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 hard to contribute to their
company
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.
Thirdly
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,
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dress
Wrong verb form
dressing
show examples
 smart may provide
employees
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a
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with a
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sense to be
serious
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seriousness
show examples
 and
work
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.
As when
Correct word choice
When
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 you are dressed
formal
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formally
show examples
,there will be a feeling that you are working and not playing.It can make
employees
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 to be more
consenrated
Correct your spelling
concentrated
 on their
work
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 ,and eventually
increase
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 the
quality
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 and the
efficiency
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 of
work
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.
However
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,some believe that it is more important to value the
quality
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 of
work
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more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
than how the
employees
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dress
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 to
work
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,all they care
is
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about is
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 a comfortable and effective working environment.
Firstly
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,allowing
employees
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 to
dress
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what
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in what
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 they are comfortable in can
increase
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 the
quality
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 of their
work
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.
As being
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Being
show examples
 in a comfortable state
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
employees
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 to
work
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 under stress,and eventually minimize mistakes.
Secondly
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,valuing the
quality
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 of
work
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more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
employees
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a
Add the preposition
with a
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clear and precise goal.Having a
company
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 valuing the
quality
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 of
work
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 can
increase
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 the
efficiency
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 of
work
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,as having a goal for
employees
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 to follow
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
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then
Correct your spelling
them
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 bear in mind what they have to do to meet the standard of the
company
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.
Thirdly
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,
by
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apply
show examples
 valuing more on the
quality
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 of
work
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 can
also
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 provide the
organisation
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to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 more job opportunities.Having
Add an article
a high
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high
Add a hyphen
high-quality
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quality
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of
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apply
show examples
work
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 like
promotion
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a promotion
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 or even works that
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 awards can
increase
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 the
reputaion
Correct your spelling
reputation
 of the
company
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.The more successful reference for others,the more they would like to
work
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 with you as they would gain trust
to
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in
show examples
 your
company
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. In my opinion,both dressing smartly and high
quality
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 of
work
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 is crucial to an
organisation
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.
However
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,I
belived
Correct your spelling
believe
believed
 that dressing smartly should be the priority,as it can
also
Linking Words
increase
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 the employee's
quality
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 and
efficiency
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 of
work
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,as
employees
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 will be more serious
on
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about
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the
Change the word
their
show examples
work
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.
Therefore
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 it can meet both
critiria
Correct your spelling
criteria
.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task achievement
Consider incorporating more specific examples or case studies to bolster your arguments. For instance, mention particular industries or companies that prioritize smart dressing or quality of work more specifically.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has logical progression, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using clear linking phrases at the end of each paragraph can help enhance flow.
task achievement
Ensure to proofread for minor grammar and punctuation errors, such as missing spaces after commas and misspellings ('organization'). This will improve clarity and professionalism.
coherence cohesion
While the conclusion is substantial, reinforcing your opinion with a restatement of key points can strengthen the ending. This reinforces your stance firmly.
task achievement
The essay successfully introduces the topic and clearly outlines both views concerning dressing smartly and valuing work quality.
task achievement
The conclusion offers a balanced personal opinion, which is crucial for task response in an essay of this type.
coherence cohesion
Each main point is supported with reasonable arguments, contributing to the development of a cohesive essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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