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Writing Samples
Band 4

Computer games and films containing violence are popular today. Some people think that these are harmful for our society and the government should ban them. Other argue that such games and films are fine for entertainment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#computer #games #films #violence #people #society #government #ban #entertainment
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Governments have received opinions from the public saying that computer
games
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 and films containing
violence
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 should be banned. There are
also
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 voices saying that they should not be prohibited, as they do not cause any harm to society.
This
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 essay will discuss both views
,
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apply
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 and why they should not be banned. Ever since video
games
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 have been released, the shooter genre has been one of the most popular
type
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types
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 of
games
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 played by all ages. Of course,
this
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 genre contains
violence
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 as it mostly involves killing enemy NPCs to progress the game. The
negatives
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negative
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 consequences of
this
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,
however
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, are so mild they should not be completely attributed to video
games
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.
Similarly
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, the film thriller genre has been popular since the 1980s. Teenagers and adults have been watching serial killers murder clueless characters in films
since
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for
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 ages, and there
hasn't
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haven't
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 been any adverse effects. Saying that these forms of simple entertainment should be banned is illogical. Of course, there needs to be a limit placed on the
violence
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 shown. Films and video
games
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 already have parental discretion ratings for these cases.
However
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, it is ultimately the parents that has to decide whether their children
gets
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get
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 the right to see
violence
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on
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in
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 their entertainment or not.
Submitted by mthariqmakarim on

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coherence cohesion
Consider adding a more structured introduction and conclusion to make your argument clearer.
task achievement
Include more examples or evidence supporting each viewpoint, which will enhance the depth of your discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument clearly.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant context by discussing how violent video games and films have been popular for years.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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