IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the population size, birth rate and the death rate of England and Wales from 1700 to 2000. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

#line #population #size #birth #rate #death #england #wales #summaries #information #features #comparisons
The line graph depicts the size of population, birth and
death
rate
 in England and Wales between 1700 and 2000.
Overall
, the size of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 increased dramatically over the year.
However
, the
death
rate
 and the
death
rate
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 slightly
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 trend. From the beginning
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 graph, three trends
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 a slight rise;
however
, from 1750 the amount of
people
 declined from 10
million
 to approximately 2.5
million
. After 1800, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of citizens increased gradually and saw 10
million
 again in 1850.
Then
 it rose to 50
million
 in 2000. The
rate
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
birth in 1700 was 30
million
 and it was around 4
million
 more than the
rate
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
death
. The
number
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 who died increased
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 1750 and it was
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
the
Change preposition
as the
show examples
number
 of
people
 who were born. Between 1750 and 1800 both
number
Change to a plural noun
numbers
show examples
 stayed steady.
Moreover
, until 1950, the birth
rate
 and the
death
rate
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
flactuation
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
fluctuations
. The
number
 of
people
 who were born inclined to around 34
million
 and the
number
 of
people
 who died remained constant at 20
million
 between 1950 and 2000.
Submitted by egomammed on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words death, rate, people, million, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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