IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

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In today's world,
face
Verb problem
apply
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 extinct how to help
animals
Use synonyms
 and save rare species
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 The main problems
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
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 causes are hunting and less conservation, and
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 valuable solutions are financial fines and
creat
Correct your spelling
create
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 habitat. Maintaining to reduce
Use synonyms
animals
Change noun form
animals'
animal's
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extinction
Use synonyms
 and help them survive in peace. Haunting is the most common cause
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 animal
extinction
Use synonyms
,
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hunting
benefit
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
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 to kill
animals
Use synonyms
 money they sell rare species with high prices,
therefore
Linking Words
 killing
animals
Use synonyms
 and
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
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 to
extinction
Use synonyms
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is
Correct article usage
a lose
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lose
Replace the word
loss
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 for
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 and our world.
Moreover
Linking Words
, conservation for wildlife
animals
Use synonyms
 human doesn't develop their natural life, they should improve their environment and protect them.
For instance
Linking Words
, In some
areas
Add a comma
areas,
show examples
 people create conservation for
animals
Use synonyms
 but they don't provide them with protection and less interest,
however
Linking Words
, that can lead hunters to hunt
animals
Use synonyms
 no one will tell them no. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem government must create financial fines to stop hunters from killing
animals
Use synonyms
 and selling them,
put
Correct word choice
and put
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border
Add an article
a border
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 to stop
black
Correct article usage
the black
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 market.
However
Linking Words
, creating
habitat
Correct article usage
a habitat
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 with high levels
with
Change preposition
of
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 safety and
environmental
Replace the word
environment
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,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can help
animals
Use synonyms
 to thrive and various species
Use synonyms
animals
Change preposition
of animals
show examples
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
survive. If we provide
animals
Use synonyms
 we'll reduce
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of
extinction
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in Saudi Arabia the government
creat
Correct your spelling
creates
show examples
 rules to protect
animals
Use synonyms
 from
extinction
Use synonyms
, which if hunt the animal you will have financial fines and
anyone
Correct word choice
if anyone
show examples
harm
Change the verb form
harms
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 they may go to jail. In conclusion, nations should create laws that protect
Use synonyms
animals
Change noun form
animals'
animal's
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 rights and habitats that feel safe.
However
Linking Words
 ,all we should feel about
animals
Use synonyms
 life
because
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they are important to our lives.

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structure cohesion
Work on developing a clearer structure for your essay. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea related to the question and build logically towards the conclusion.
supporting points
Support each main point with specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument. Try to explain each example in detail for better clarity.
task response
Ensure that the essay answers all parts of the question comprehensively. It seems like the solutions proposed could be expanded with further analysis or examples.
task response
The essay provides a genuine concern for the issue of animal extinction and attempts to suggest solutions.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion both address the overall theme of protecting animals from extinction.
relevant examples
There is an effort to introduce specific solutions, such as financial fines and habitat creation, which adds relevance to the discussion.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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