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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph and table below give information about the percentage of graduates in Australia who worked full-time after university from 2004 and 2012.

The graph and table below give information about the percentage of graduates in Australia who worked full-time after university from 2004 and 2012.
#information #percentage #graduates #australia #university
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The graph and table provide information about the percentage of
graduates
Use synonyms
 in Australia who worked full-time after university and their
salary
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 from 2004 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the percentage of mathematics
graduates
Use synonyms
 and all
graduates
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 went down,
whereas
Linking Words
 maths
graduates
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 had the highest
salary
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. As the graph shows, starting with 2004 the percentage of
math
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students
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 80,
then
Linking Words
 in 2006 the figure did not change. In 2008 index increased slowly to 85%, but after
that
Add a comma
that,
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 the index decreased slowly until it reached approximately 76% in 2012. All
graduates
Use synonyms
 who hold a university degree and worked full-time were 65% in 2004.
Then
Linking Words
, in 2006 the statistics increased sharply to 88% and went down to around 80 and 90%.
Then
Linking Words
 the figure dropped until 2012 to 65%.
Average
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The average
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salary
Use synonyms
 of mathematics
students
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 and other
graduates
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 the same, both of them got 41.000$ and in 2006
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math
Correct article usage
the math
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 graduate’s
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
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 were the same as other
students
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, either got 43.500$. In 2008
math
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school-leavers
Correct your spelling
school leavers
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 had
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salary
Correct article usage
a salary
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 more than other
graduates
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, 51.500$ and 48.000$, respectively. Other
school-leaver’s
Correct your spelling
school leavers ’
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 52.000$,
while
Linking Words
math
Use synonyms
graduates
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 got 48.500$ in 2010. In 2012
math
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graduates
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 had the
most
Change the adjective
apply
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highest
salary
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 ever 59.000$,
whereas
Linking Words
 other
students
Use synonyms
 who had university
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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 got 53.000$ in Australia in 2012.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 85%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates, salary, math, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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