IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. Write a report describing the information shown in the two pie graphs. Write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. Write a report describing the information shown in the two pie graphs. Write at least 150 words.
#minutes #graphs #show #survey #children #activities #first #leisure #boys #second #girls #report #information #two
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Given pie charts illustrate, with what frequencies do
boys
 and
girls
 participate in different activities. First of all, it is clearly depicted, that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
boys
 enjoy playing computer games
whereas
largest
Add an article
the largest
show examples
 percentage of
girls
 dance.
However
, in
this
 case number of
boys
 who play games is relatively larger than
girls
 dancing. We can
also
 see that reading amongst
girls
 is
highly
Correct article usage
a highly
show examples
 participated activity as well. The opposite can be said about
this
 data with
boys
, only two
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of them enjoy the process. For
boys
 less popular activities encompass: soccer ( enjoyed by 17
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
), listening to music (11
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
) and skateboarding (10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
). The
leas
Correct your spelling
least
show examples
 participated one is above mentioned reading. Moving on to
Correct article usage
the girls
show examples
girls
Change noun form
girls'
girl's
show examples
 pie chart , in comparison to reading and dancing, there are much
less
Correct word choice
smaller
show examples
 percentage provided
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other activities. It seems that netball and computer games are almost equally enjoyable for them.The same goes for gymnastics and listening to music, with only
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 difference of 1
percent
. In conclusion, trends are significantly different between
girls
 and
boys
. It could be said that data is almost opposite of each other with slight similarities.
Submitted by salomekakhaberi342 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: