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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. Write a report describing the information shown in the two pie graphs.

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. Write a report describing the information shown in the two pie graphs.
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Given pie charts illustrate, with what frequencies do
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 participate in different activities. First of all, it is clearly depicted, that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
boys
Use synonyms
 enjoy playing computer games
whereas
Linking Words
largest
Add an article
the largest
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 percentage of
girls
Use synonyms
 dance.
However
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 case number of
boys
Use synonyms
 who play games is relatively larger than
girls
Use synonyms
 dancing. We can
also
Linking Words
 see that reading amongst
girls
Use synonyms
 is
highly
Correct article usage
a highly
show examples
 participated activity as well. The opposite can be said about
this
Linking Words
 data with
boys
Use synonyms
, only two
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of them enjoy the process. For
boys
Use synonyms
 less popular activities encompass: soccer ( enjoyed by 17
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
), listening to music (11
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
) and skateboarding (10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
). The
leas
Correct your spelling
least
show examples
 participated one is above mentioned reading. Moving on to
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the girls
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girls
Change noun form
girls'
girl's
show examples
 pie chart , in comparison to reading and dancing, there are much
less
Correct word choice
smaller
show examples
 percentage provided
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other activities. It seems that netball and computer games are almost equally enjoyable for them.The same goes for gymnastics and listening to music, with only
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 difference of 1
percent
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, trends are significantly different between
girls
Use synonyms
 and
boys
Use synonyms
. It could be said that data is almost opposite of each other with slight similarities.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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