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Writing Samples
Band 5

Working abroad can help employees earn a great deal of money and gain more benefits. However, some people think this trend has many negative impacts. what are the advantage and disadvantage of working abroad.

#employees #money #gain #people #trend #impacts #advantage
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The labour market has undergone a significant transformation by involving foreign workers in
this
 era.
While
 overseas working can assist
staff
Add an article
the staff
show examples
 member to obtain wages which can suit their lifestyle, a wide range of folks believe there is a detrimental impact from
this
 phenomenon. In
this
 essay, both benefits and drawbacks will be elucidated. On the one hand, individuals will be able to delight
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
lot
 of perks.
Firstly
, they will be able to meet and work with other experts.
This
 can broaden their knowledge and obtain experience from others.
Secondly
, their communication skills will enhanced and
as a result
, they will be able to have a speech with others without any hesitation or stuttering. Ultimately, self-esteem will be strengthed and
this
 will reflect on their productivity. In his book, Working Far, Professor Jack Nelson highlighted that individuals who work away from
there
Correct your spelling
their
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hometown
Fix the agreement mistake
hometowns
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 provide a more sustainable workforce. As a sequence, most institutions are seeking to absorb people from other nations in order to gain more profits.
On the other hand
,
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
 can demonstrate
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 inferior atmosphere.
In other words
, a
lot
 of
employee
Change to a plural noun
employees
show examples
 can face some oppression.
This
 kind of sense can affect the worker mentally and have a huge drawback
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in his health.
Moreover
, they can lose their identity when they spend a
lot
o
Change preposition
of
show examples
 time far from their country. They will be unable to interact with their peers and people. They will feel that they lost and waste a
lot
 of time to gain money. A study conducted by Manchester University elucidated that Indian in Golf Countries feels that they are slaves and want to return back to India.
This
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 the Indian government
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not let them travel to these areas without having a professional CV.
This
 will let them have proper jobs and high
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
. In conclusion, there will be a debate on
this
 context.
However
, job seekers should find what country and job can fit them.
This
 owing to gaining the optimum merits and the prime purpose from working outside.
Submitted by mohannadsme on

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coherence cohesion
Be careful with word usage. For example, in the phrase 'delight a lot of perks,' 'delight' is not the appropriate verb.
task achievement
Try to ensure that your ideas are fully elaborated. For instance, when discussing feelings of oppression, you could more thoroughly explore the causes or solutions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame the discussion effectively.
coherence cohesion
You supported your points with examples, like referencing studies and expert opinions.
task achievement
There is a logical structure to the advantages and disadvantages presented, allowing readers to follow your argumentation.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • expatriate
  • economic conditions
  • skilled labor
  • professional development
  • cultural experiences
  • networking opportunities
  • favorable tax arrangements
  • personal growth
  • resilience
  • cultural barriers
  • language barriers
  • legal regulations
  • employment regulations
  • healthcare access
  • safety standards
  • cost of living
  • repatriation
  • reverse culture shock
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