A report indicated that many children between 7 and 11 years old watch television and/or play video games too much. How does the problem affect? What measures can be taken to control it?

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A report depicted that a lot of

children

Use synonyms

around 7

until

Change preposition

show examples

11 years old are addicted to

watch

Wrong verb form

watching

show examples

television or

play

Wrong verb form

playing

show examples

video games. It will lead to bad

eyesight

Use synonyms

and a serious problem in the future. Meanwhile, the role of the

parents

Use synonyms

is really important here to control the

using

Replace the word

use

show examples

handphone

Fix the agreement mistake

handphones

show examples

and TV. I highly suggest

for

Correct word choice

that

show examples

the

parents

Use synonyms

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

set a

screentime

Use synonyms

schedule.

Firstly

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

will feel uncomfortable

Change preposition

apply

show examples

playing or watching video games for a long time and

then

Linking Words

their

eyesight

Use synonyms

will not

Add a missing verb

be as

show examples

good as before. There is

Remove the article

apply

show examples

powerful radiation on the screen,

this

Linking Words

is a reason why their eyes get sick because the light is too strong entering the eyes.

As a result

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

can not see objects clearly.

For example

Linking Words

, my nephew is about 10 years old, but he has been

used

Wrong verb form

using

show examples

glasses since 8 years old because his

parents

Use synonyms

always give handphone at home. Meanwhile, the

parents

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has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

Correct article usage

the rights

show examples

rights

Fix the agreement mistake

right

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to manage time when the

children

Use synonyms

can have

Use synonyms

screentime

Correct your spelling

screen time

show examples

. Obviously, the

parents

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and

children

Use synonyms

should communicate

each

Change preposition

with each

show examples

other to do

this

Linking Words

. After that, they can reach a final decision to set the

Use synonyms

screentime

Correct your spelling

screen time

show examples

schedule.

For instance

Linking Words

, I am allowing my

children

Use synonyms

to play video games on weekends only for 2 hours a day. Certainly, the result is really good because they do not have bad

eyesight

Use synonyms

and tend to play with their friends.

To sum up

Linking Words

, television and

handphone

Fix the agreement mistake

handphones

show examples

have a negative impact

for

Change preposition

show examples

Use synonyms

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

eyes.

However

Linking Words

, the

parents

Use synonyms

can control by managing

Use synonyms

screentime

Correct your spelling

screen time

show examples

This

Linking Words

is a proper way to prevent bad

eyesight

Use synonyms

and

children

Use synonyms

can spend most of their time with family and friends.

wishmeluck Thu Nov 28 2024

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clarity

To enhance clarity, try varying sentence structure and reducing repetitive phrasing, which will create a more engaging essay. For instance, use complex sentences to combine related ideas.

supporting evidence

Include more data or research findings to further substantiate the claims about the negative impacts of screen time. This will strengthen your argument about the effects on children's eyesight.

coherence

Link paragraphs with more distinct transition phrases to ensure smoother flow and better coherence in your writing.

task focus

You have presented clear and direct points, focusing on the problems caused by excessive screen time and parental roles in controlling it.

clarity of intent

The introduction clearly sets the stage for the issues being discussed. It identifies both the problem and potential measures in a concise manner.

engagement

Use of personal anecdote ('my nephew') effectively personalizes the problem and makes it relatable to the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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A report indicated that many children between 7 and 11 years old watch television and/or play video games too much. How does the problem affect? What measures can be taken to control it?

Your opinion

Today our communications ,medical and transport systems all depend on computer technology . Our reliance on computer technology inthese has created a dengerous situation

Some people believe that construction of new public buildings such as museums, towns halls and sporting is more important than renovation of the existing ones, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

With increasing populations and ever growing urban centers, many countries are losing their natural beauty spots. What benefits are there to protect places of natural beauty? How can this be solved?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give it all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.