IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The money spent by governments on space programmes would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #governments #space #programmes #services #schools #hospitals
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Many
people
 argue that governments should spend more money on schools and hospitals rather than on space
programmes
Correct your spelling
programs
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. I completely agree with
this
 view because having an excellent public service infrastructure can provide a better environment for humans to thrive. The most compelling reason that I hold
this
 opinion is that good healthcare and education are the pillars of a successful nation. If a
country
 has a top-tier healthcare system, they can take good care of their citizens
as well as
 foreign patients who want to enjoy their
services
. Schools can provide
necessary
Add an article
the necessary
show examples
 education for everyone in the
country
 and increase
literacy
Correct article usage
the literacy
show examples
 rate which in turn helps a nation grow. Another reason for my view is that a
country
 can produce a more educated and healthier working force. If the
people
 are more educated, they can criticize and analyze the crucial information more carefully and accurately and can act upon it.
Moreover
, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 having access to a better healthcare system, it can boost the morale and efficiency of the working force by not having to worry financially whenever they get sick.
Lastly
, in the age of technology, strong basic infrastructures are necessary for every
country
. The effects of modernization have serious implications
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 human beings and in order to overcome that, countries need more literate
people
 and professionals would help them tackle these problems. Pouring resources
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the basic necessities of a society will yield favorable results in the long run rather than trying to solve a problem of tomorrow
on
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 today. In conclusion, I totally agree that governments should spend their money on basic public
services
 like schools and hospitals.
This
 is because these
services
 are crucial to have in a stable and successful society. Given
this
situation
Add a comma
situation,
show examples
 it is recommended that governments should set their priorities straight by making the necessary investments
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 basic public
services
.
Submitted by thitnyitnh on

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task achievement
Ensure each main point is supported with specific examples or evidence. While your arguments are strong, adding concrete examples can enhance credibility and depth.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay is coherent and follows a logical structure, make sure to explicitly connect your ideas with transition words to guide the reader more smoothly between points, such as 'furthermore' or 'however'.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, ensure your conclusion reiterates the key points discussed without introducing new information.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete and well-developed response to the question, articulating clear and comprehensive ideas that support your position.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, setting up your argument and summarizing it effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your writing demonstrates a strong ability to organize and develop main points cohesively, contributing to an organized and persuasive essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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