IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the proportion of the workforce who are women and the proportion of managers who are women in five different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The table below shows the proportion of the workforce who are women and the proportion of managers who are women in five different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#proportion #workforce #women #managers #five #countries #information #features #comparisons
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The given table illustrates the percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 participating in the labour force and
women
Use synonyms
 in
management
Use synonyms
 positions in 5
countries
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is
obivious
Correct your spelling
obvious
 that the rate of female workers is similar across the
countries
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, except in Egypt. In terms of
women
Use synonyms
 in the leadership roles, Australia and the United States have the highest proportion,
while
Linking Words
 the other
countries
Use synonyms
 are the opposite In Australia and the
Uniyed
Correct your spelling
United
 States, there are similarities in the percentage of
women
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 participating in labour and
management
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. The former is 42% of employees and 43%
leaders
Change preposition
of leaders
show examples
. The latter is 46% and 43% respectively.
By contrast
Linking Words
, Egypt, Sri Lanka and Japan have
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
obivious
Correct your spelling
obvious
 gap. Japan is the highest
Use synonyms
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
 in
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
, with 50%
while
Linking Words
 in
management
Use synonyms
 fields,
women
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 only
accounts
Change the verb form
account
show examples
 for 17%. There is a 30% gap between the rate of
women
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, who are workers and managers in Sri Lanka. In Egypt, 20%
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the rate of
women
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 in
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
 the figure for
management
Use synonyms
 was 8% lower.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, management, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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