An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

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There is an inclining number of

people

Use synonyms

choosing to undergo cosmetic surgery in order to look good. It is becoming more common these days

due to

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advancement

Fix the agreement mistake

advancements

show examples

in technology and its availability. I believe that it is a positive development since it helps individuals in achieving the looks they want and

also

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this

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enhances their confidence.

Firstly

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, many

people

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choose to undergo operations to change their natural beauty because of today's advancement in

technologies

Fix the agreement mistake

technology

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. It is much quicker and

easy

Correct word choice

easier

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to do procedures because of the machines and equipment accessibility.

Secondly

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, there are more registered professionals specializing in

this

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approach that ensures

people

Use synonyms

the quality of results.

Lastly

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, unlike the limitations before, cosmetic surgeries can be done in many countries,

such

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as Thailand wherein

people

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from its neighbouring countries specifically choose because of the quality and great results they provide.

Thus

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, these factors encourage

people

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to pursue the procedures that will help them achieve their desired appearance without being frightened and hesitant.

In addition

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to that, I believe that

this

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promotes

self-condifence

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self-confidence

and self-love

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show examples

each individual. There are

people

Use synonyms

suffering from bullying and

bad mouthing

Add a hyphen

bad-mouthing

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because of how they look, like not having a perfect nose and body.

For instance

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this

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type of unacceptable manners

were

Change the verb form

was

show examples

greatly seen in school, one of the reasons why students opt to save up money in order for them to undergo body enhancement procedures in the future.

Thus

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this

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technique can boost

people

Use synonyms

's confidence

within

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show examples

themselves. In conclusion, there are many factors why there is an increasing number of

people

Use synonyms

trying out cosmetic surgery,

such

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as its availability

due to

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technologies, professionals and locations. I am of the view that

this

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is beneficial because of its significant result, which is boosting confidence for each individual.

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task achievement

Expand on the example of cosmetic surgery's impact by providing more specific examples or data to illustrate the argument, particularly how they improve confidence or self-esteem.

coherence cohesion

Some sentences can be tightened for clarity and coherence, ensuring each idea is clearly articulated and linked smoothly.

coherence cohesion

The essay presents a well-structured introduction and conclusion, clearly addressing the topic.

task achievement

The connection between technological advancements and increased access to cosmetic surgery is effectively established.

task achievement

The arguments are clear and supported by relevant points, including the psychological benefits related to confidence and self-love.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Idealized beauty standards
Cosmetic surgery
Advancements in medical technology
Socially acceptable
Self-improvement
Psychological well-being
Competitive workforce
Youthful appearance
Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
Physical appearance

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An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

Public celebrations (national days, festivals) are held in many countries. Some people say that these celebrations are a waste of money and we should spend money on more important things. Do you agree or disagree?

You recently took a long vacation. In your absence, a friend did you a huge favor.

These days, a majority of animals are kept in zoos in order to save them from becoming extinct. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?