An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

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There is an inclining number of
people
choosing to undergo cosmetic surgery in order to look good. It is becoming more common these days
due to
advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
show examples
in technology and its availability. I believe that it is a positive development since it helps individuals in achieving the looks they want and
also
,
this
enhances their confidence.
Firstly
, many
people
choose to undergo operations to change their natural beauty because of today's advancement in
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
. It is much quicker and
easy
Correct word choice
easier
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to do procedures because of the machines and equipment accessibility.
Secondly
, there are more registered professionals specializing in
this
approach that ensures
people
the quality of results.
Lastly
, unlike the limitations before, cosmetic surgeries can be done in many countries,
such
as Thailand wherein
people
from its neighbouring countries specifically choose because of the quality and great results they provide.
Thus
, these factors encourage
people
to pursue the procedures that will help them achieve their desired appearance without being frightened and hesitant.
In addition
to that, I believe that
this
promotes
self-condifence
Correct your spelling
self-confidence
and self-love
to
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in
show examples
each individual. There are
people
suffering from bullying and
bad mouthing
Add a hyphen
bad-mouthing
show examples
because of how they look, like not having a perfect nose and body.
For instance
,
this
type of unacceptable manners
were
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was
show examples
greatly seen in school, one of the reasons why students opt to save up money in order for them to undergo body enhancement procedures in the future.
Thus
,
this
technique can boost
people
's confidence
within
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in
show examples
themselves. In conclusion, there are many factors why there is an increasing number of
people
trying out cosmetic surgery,
such
as its availability
due to
technologies, professionals and locations. I am of the view that
this
is beneficial because of its significant result, which is boosting confidence for each individual.
Submitted by cng123 on

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task achievement
Expand on the example of cosmetic surgery's impact by providing more specific examples or data to illustrate the argument, particularly how they improve confidence or self-esteem.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences can be tightened for clarity and coherence, ensuring each idea is clearly articulated and linked smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a well-structured introduction and conclusion, clearly addressing the topic.
task achievement
The connection between technological advancements and increased access to cosmetic surgery is effectively established.
task achievement
The arguments are clear and supported by relevant points, including the psychological benefits related to confidence and self-love.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Idealized beauty standards
  • Cosmetic surgery
  • Advancements in medical technology
  • Socially acceptable
  • Self-improvement
  • Psychological well-being
  • Competitive workforce
  • Youthful appearance
  • Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
  • Physical appearance
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