IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Undoubtedly, with the rapid development of
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system, the interest of
students
Use synonyms
 in
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
 curriculum have become increasingly significant.
Whereas
Linking Words
 some people see studying other
subjects
Use synonyms
Change preposition
in addtion
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addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
 to their core
subjects
Use synonyms
 can learn more
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
, others believe that focusing on
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
qualification is more important. From my perspective, I am in
favor
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favour
show examples
 of the former, and the reason will be elaborated on as follows. An array of reasons may lead
why
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to why
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 need to study other
subjects
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if
students
Use synonyms
 only study their core
subjects
Use synonyms
, it might limit their
skills
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.
That is
Linking Words
, individuals only
only
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
learn their professional knowledge
,
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apply
show examples
but
also
Linking Words
 gain their
work
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skills
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such
Linking Words
 as
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
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skills
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,
team
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teamwork
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work
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skills
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, communication
skills
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 and so on. Take Taiwan as an example, many people
graduated
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who graduated
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 from
higher
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a higher
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 education level or had
a
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apply
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excellent academic performance
finded
Correct your spelling
found
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 difficulties
of
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in
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 getting a job, because they
do
Wrong verb form
did
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 not have good communication
skills
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, leading
failed
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to failed
show examples
of
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apply
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job interviews.
By contrast
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that getting a qualification is crucial for
future
Add an article
a future
the future
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 career.
This
Linking Words
 is to say, many
of
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apply
show examples
industries require a certificate for their jobs,
such
Linking Words
 as doctor, nurse, teacher and so on. Even though some individuals have many years
Use synonyms
work
Change preposition
of work
show examples
 experience, they cannot
work
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 in the field without
certificate
Add an article
a certificate
the certificate
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, it
is takes
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takes
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 more than 4 years to complete the bachelor level of study to become a
qulified
Correct your spelling
qualified
 teacher in Australia. If
students
Use synonyms
 cannot finish their degree, they cannot
work
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 in any schools as a qualified teacher. In
conclucion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, based on the aforementioned reasons, I firmly agree that university
students
Use synonyms
 need to
consentrated
Correct your spelling
concentrate
 on getting their
qualitications
Correct your spelling
qualifications
.

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Task Response
Ensure that each paragraph addresses a clear main point with sufficient elaboration and examples. The essay introduces both perspectives and gives an opinion, but the arguments could be more thoroughly developed with detailed analysis and varied examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow and connectivity between ideas within each paragraph. Transitional phrases can be used more consistently to guide the reader through the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents an introduction, body, and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion around the topic.
Task Response
The essay covers both perspectives and provides an opinion which aligns with the task requirements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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