IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart provides data about how much UK citizens
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different
age
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
group's
Change noun form
groups
show examples
 spending expenses in
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 ,
restaurant
Use synonyms
 and
hotel
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
entertainment
Use synonyms
categories
Use synonyms
 during 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 at the beginning of the
age
Use synonyms
 under 30 figures of
restaurant
Use synonyms
 and
hotel
Use synonyms
 experienced the highest than other
categories
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 , both
categories
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
entertainment
Use synonyms
 witnessed a significant rise of 61 + 75. Regarding the first two
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 UK residents
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
under 30 in
restaurant
Use synonyms
 and
hotel
Use synonyms
 services
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 under roughly 15% of their total spending. 31- 45 between
Use synonyms
Add an article
the age
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of people in
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 category decreased
Change preposition
by
show examples
just around 2%.
In contrast
Linking Words
 , trends in
under
Correct article usage
the under
show examples
 30
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
group showed just over 5 and 7 % respectively. 31 - 45
age
Use synonyms
 of UK residents in
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 classes dramatically increased by 13% , so
entertainment
Use synonyms
 figures
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 only to 8%. As for the remaining
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 , spending patterns across older
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 varied greatly. People aged 46 -60 illustrated in
Use synonyms
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 category was over 15%
while
Linking Words
 the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other
categories
Use synonyms
 was much lower than
this
Linking Words
 amount. People
in ages
Change preposition
aged
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
61-75 in
entertainment
Use synonyms
 spending expenditure was highest , making up just under a quarter , followed by
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 fifth. Interestingly, they demonstrated
thei
Correct your spelling
their
the
 lowest trend in
restaurant
Use synonyms
 and
hotel
Use synonyms
 services in
61
Correct article usage
the 61
show examples
-75
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
. Coming to the 76+
age
Use synonyms
 classes in orthodox spending of
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 refreshments was about 22%
while
Linking Words
 the category of
entertainment
Use synonyms
 and restaurarian
hotel
Use synonyms
 figures showed over 5 and 13 %respecively in one
age
Use synonyms
 group named
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
76+.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, food, drink, restaurant, hotel, entertainment, categories, groups with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: