Some people believe that children should be involved in educational activities in their free time. Others argue that this puts too much academic pressure on a child. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Involving Educational Activities in our
kids
,
thats
Correct your spelling
that's
show examples
a good
ideas
Correct the article-noun agreement
idea
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. getting educational input on their age, can
helps
Wrong verb form
help
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their brain growth, and it will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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affect
to
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apply
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their characteristic. Children
whos
Correct your spelling
who
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getting
Wrong verb form
get
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balance
Add an article
the balance
a balance
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between playing and learning will
be growth
Verb problem
grow
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to be
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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have
ability
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the ability
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to study,
leadersip
Correct your spelling
lead
and
critical
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critically
show examples
thinking. Other people may not agree with
this
because they
thing
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think
show examples
it can break their kid mentality, they
ansume
Correct your spelling
assume
that educational
activity
have
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has
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much pressure
for
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on
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their
kids
, but if we can see
at
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on
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the positive side,
i
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I
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think
this
is good and worth to
used
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use
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, of
course
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course,
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there is a lot to work. As we know not every
kids
Change to a singular noun
kid
show examples
like
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likes
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to do
serious
Add an article
a serious
the serious
show examples
activity
, they will
otimatically
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automatically
getting
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get
be getting
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bored, and start to
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
anything
arround
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around
.
its
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it's
it is
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normal
on
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for
show examples
their age, but as a parent we
taking
Verb problem
apply
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consider
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
issue, we need to
planning
Wrong verb form
plan
show examples
educational things
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
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funnier than they
thaught
Correct your spelling
taught
show examples
. We can arrange educational activities in the funniest way, first
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
we can
playing
Change the form of the verb
play
show examples
with guessing
color
Fix the agreement mistake
colors
show examples
,
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
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and
letter
Fix the agreement mistake
letters
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
adding energic music or
coreograph
Correct your spelling
choreograph
choreography
so they can enjoy it, maybe
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another way we can
adding
Wrong verb form
add
show examples
illustrasion
Correct your spelling
illustration
illustrations
to attract them.
Basically
Add a comma
Basically,
show examples
kids
always attract to
interisting
Correct your spelling
interesting
things, so make sure that we as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
present that
activity
to be cute and cheerful. Maybe it will be hard but if we think about
hows
Replace the word
how
show examples
this
activity
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our
kids
. it will be worth it.
Submitted by raudahalimah on

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coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph structure to separate different ideas clearly. This will help improve the logical flow and make the essay easier to follow.
supported main points
Try to elaborate more on each point with logical reasoning or examples. This will strengthen your argument and provide a more comprehensive response.
task achievement
Avoid using very casual phrases and ensure your language is slightly more formal to suit the IELTS essay style.
task achievement
The essay discusses both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic and addressing all parts of the task.
coherence cohesion
There is an attempt to conclude the essay, summarizing the main points, which demonstrates understanding of the essay structure.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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