IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
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The bar charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the percentage of men and
women
Use synonyms
 aged 60-64 in employment in four different
countries
Use synonyms
 in 1970 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, it shows that both men and
women
Use synonyms
 got the opportunity to work in most
countries
Use synonyms
higher
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in 1970. It can be seen that in 1970, the number of older
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 who worked in Australia,
Japan
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
Belgium
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 higher than in 2000.
Japan
Use synonyms
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 the
highert
Correct your spelling
highest
higher
 country who employed the oldest with around 84%,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 being the least with 73%. In 2000, the number shows a significant decrease in all
countries
Use synonyms
 with
Belgium
Use synonyms
 being the lowest
as
Change preposition
with
show examples
 only 19% older
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
 still
hold
Change the verb form
holds
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 first position with 76%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the percentage of older
women
Use synonyms
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
diverse
Add a missing verb
is diverse
show examples
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 each
Use synonyms
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
. In 1970,
Japan
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 the highest country
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
employed
Change the form of the verb
employ
show examples
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
older
women
Use synonyms
 with 43%
Change preposition
of worker
show examples
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
,
following
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 by
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 with 36% and Australia with 18%,
while
Linking Words
Belgium
Use synonyms
 only recruited 8% in 1970. In 2000, it shows a slight decline in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Belgium
Use synonyms
 with
1
Correct article usage
a 1
show examples
-2% decrease,
while
Linking Words
 there is a 1-2%
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in Australia and
USA
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, countries, japan, usa, belgium with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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