In some countries fast food restaurants and supermarket gives money to schools to promote their products. Do you think this is a positive or negative development
It is often argued that some fast
food
restaurants and supermarket
donate money to Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
schools
to market their goods. I think this
is a negative development because students
may Add a missing verb
be addict
addict
to Replace the word
addicted
consume
instant Wrong verb form
consuming
food
and Add a missing verb
are concerns
concerns
Wrong verb form
concerned
of
various health issues. Change preposition
about
This
essay will explore how these points will justify my opinion.
There are several drawbacks of
having Change preposition
to
promotion
of fast Add an article
a promotion
food
in schools
. Firstly
, the students
would purchase these items uncontrollably becuase
most of the fast Correct your spelling
because
food
items give nice teste
and it can lead to an addiction for Correct your spelling
taste
students
. As an example, a survey conducted by Royal College Colombo, Sri Lanka, revealed that by
65% of Change preposition
apply
students
addicted
to Add a missing verb
were addicted
buy
hot dogs and Change the verb form
buying
Coca Cola
from Add a hyphen
Coca-Cola
nearest
supermarket becauseAdd an article
the nearest
a nearest
,
there was an Remove the comma
apply
adverticement
on the school wall Correct your spelling
advertisement
which
advertised by the same supermarket. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Hence
, giving subsidies to promote fast foods
causes significant issues to
Change preposition
for
students
in most schools
.
Another negative factor is that health concerns arise from fast food
. Most of the
these items have Remove the article
apply
high
content of sugar, fat, Add an article
a high
oil
and are low in Correct word choice
and oil
nutritions
. When eating these unhealthy products, Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
students
become more unhealthy, as they may prone
to Add a missing verb
be prone
have
heart disease, obesity, or non-communicable diseases. Unnecessary verb
apply
For instance
, a
research from Remove the article
apply
Department
of Physiotherapy, University of Colombo, identified that the main cause of obesity among Correct article usage
the Department
students
is consuming fast foods
in
their school time. Change preposition
during
Additionally
, the research points out that the promotions from supermarkets have accelerated the buying power of students
.
In conclusion, having promotions for fast foods
in schools
causes significant problems for students
. Students
may addidct
to Correct your spelling
add
thse
products and Correct your spelling
the
these
those
tendency
for health issues Add an article
the tendency
a tendency
are
the main negative Correct subject-verb agreement
is
developments
from Fix the agreement mistake
development
this
action. Therefore
, authorities should not promote fast foods
in school environments.Fix the agreement mistake
food
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coherence cohesion
Work on developing clearer logical connections between paragraphs, ensuring a smoother flow of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve the introduction and conclusion by adding more clarity and depth to the opening and closing statements.
task achievement
Provide a more complete response by thoroughly addressing potential counterarguments and exploring the topic in greater detail.
task achievement
Strive for clearer and more comprehensive ideas, ensuring each point is well developed and articulated.
task achievement
The essay effectively uses relevant and specific examples to support the main points, adding credibility to the argument.
coherence cohesion
Despite some inaccuracies, the overall structure includes a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame the discussion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.