The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

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The pie chart depicts the percentage of online

sales

Use synonyms

for travel, books and clothes, film or music in New Zealand in the year

Change preposition

apply

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2003 and 2013. As per the pie chart, travel, film and music covered up the largest proportion of the total online

sales

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in both years. The dominant online sale in the year 2003 was travel

sector related

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sector-related

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products and services which accounted for 36%. But, in 2013, it dropped to 29% and became the second most popular sector of total online

sales

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. In 2003, clothes attained the position of second major sector with 24% of

overall

Linking Words

sales

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. But, as the year progressed and reached 2013, it reduced by 8%. Film and music occupied 21% of the

overall

Linking Words

sales

Use synonyms

in 2003,

while

Linking Words

it increased to 33% which attained the topmost position in 2013. In 2013, the percentage of online

sales

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for books was 22%

whereas

Linking Words

it was a little bit lower in 2003, which accounted for 19%.

salomekakhaberi342Mon Dec 02 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

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3
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

160 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Comparative analysis
E-commerce
Retail sectors
Growth rate
Decade
Decline
Trends
Online transactions
Consumer behavior
Market share
Significant increase/decrease
Digital era
Accessibility
User-friendly platform
Market dynamics
Predictive outlook

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The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

A larger amount of advertisements nowadays are now targeted at children. Many people say this has negative effects on children and should there be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, a lot off buildings such as offices and schools are now being built with an open plan design. Why is that. Do you see this is a positive or negative development?

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads

The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest?