Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work fro differnet organisations.Discuss bith the views and give your own opinion.

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In
this
brisk era, people tend to work hard for their own personal growth. Whether
,
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apply
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they are engaged with their own business or they work for companies.
However
, some
of
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apply
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think that working in
same
Add an article
a same
the same
show examples
organisation
leads
better
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to better
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growth
while
others debate
to
Correct word choice
whether to
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choose to give their potential
for
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to
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different
organisation
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organisations
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. So, on
this
basis
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basis,
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we will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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views ,I will
also
provide personal
comment
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comments
show examples
on
this
controversial topic. Undoubtedly, many people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
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regarding
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that
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working in
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
company
will make them comfortable , flexible etc to work in fast pace environment .
Also
, it makes
easier
Correct pronoun usage
it easier
show examples
to understand and communicate with the
one's
Correct your spelling
ones
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when we are in
trouble-shoot
Correct your spelling
trouble-shooting
show examples
task
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tasks
show examples
. It
also
saves time
due to
continuous efforts for the familiar firm . For
intance
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instance
, A person working
to
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for
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the
Correct article usage
a
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known firm can catch up
all
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with all
show examples
the errors and
unmanged
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unmanaged
task
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tasks
show examples
fastly
Rephrase
quickly
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. They
also
result
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result in
result from
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progressive results rather than
newly
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new
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employee
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employees
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.
Moreover
, they bring many benefits to the
company
which
also
gain their own reputation . And, they are awarded
with
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apply
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increments and transfers of position to
high profile
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high-profile
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level
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levels
show examples
.
On
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In
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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contrast,
pupil's
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pupils
show examples
are inclined towards changing their environment to develop adaptability. They believe working in
same
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the same
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place makes life boring. As,
due to
explorative
Correct pronoun usage
their explorative
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and extrovert nature ,
inclination
Correct article usage
the inclination
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and excitement of knowing new possibilities in
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
and
task
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tasks
show examples
make them satisfied .
Furthermore
,
Such
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such
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employees learn
solving
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to solve
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problems in
innovate
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innovative
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way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
.
This
makes
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
to
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apply
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bring new methods of solving or managing any
task
. These talents are
also
remarkable for personal and organisational growth.
Nevertheless
, to exemplify , it
also
cover
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covers
show examples
pros and cons
such
as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
employee changing
company
for equipping different experience can make them good adaptive
while
sometimes
due to
such
thinking
organisation
are
also
on
Change preposition
at
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risk for losses of brilliant minds. To, conclude I would like to opine that considering both views , we should keep in mind that it is good to foster our personal skills and benefits but
keeping it
Wrong verb form
keep
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in mind about
companies
Fix the agreement mistake
company
show examples
losses .
Moreover
, it makes
organisation
Correct article usage
the organisation
show examples
weak and stressful situation to hire any other alternative at a time . So, better to consider both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
of a coin .
Submitted by drashtichotaliya12 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the paragraphs logically connect to each other.
Task Achievement
Ensure your arguments and examples directly relate to the topic. Stay focused on addressing both views and providing your opinion clearly.
Task Achievement
The essay shows a good attempt to discuss both views and provide a personal opinion, which is essential for task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
You included an introduction and a conclusion, which helps structure the essay well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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