IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

;=The table below shows the percentage of participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015./

;=The table below shows the percentage of participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015./
#=the #percentage #participation #women #management #three #companies
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given table illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of participation of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in senior management
positions
Use synonyms
 in three different companies (Eldan
Ltd
Use synonyms
, Bamforth
Ltd
Use synonyms
 and Finsbury
Ltd
Use synonyms
)
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every
five
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 between 1975 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the table that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 in senior roles has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased throughout the period except for Finsbury
Ltd
Use synonyms
, where in 1980 and 2000, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
employees
Use synonyms
 decreased. In the year 1975 and 1980, in Eldan
Ltd
Use synonyms
, there were only 3% of
women
Use synonyms
employees
Use synonyms
 in the senior
positions
Use synonyms
. Every
five
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
, it increased gradually, and in 2015, there were 64%
Use synonyms
women
Change preposition
of women
show examples
employees
Use synonyms
 in senior roles, which was the highest among all
comapnies
Correct your spelling
companies
. In terms of Bamforth
Ltd
Use synonyms
, there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
2
Correct article usage
a 2
show examples
%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
increase in the number of
Use synonyms
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
positions
Use synonyms
 in
five
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 from 1975 to 2000, and it increased from 9% to 17%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2000, 46% of
women
Use synonyms
employees
Use synonyms
 were in that company in senior
positions
Use synonyms
. In terms of Finsbury
Ltd
Use synonyms
, 16% of
women
Use synonyms
employees
Use synonyms
 were there in the year 1975,
while
Linking Words
 it decreased by 2% and reached 14% after
five
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 in 1980.
Then
Linking Words
, in the next
five
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 increased by 1% and reached 15%. In 2000, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 again decreased and reached 20%. In the next 5
years
Use synonyms
, it again increased and reached
at
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
28%.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, positions, ltd, five, years, women, employees with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: