Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports. Is it positive or negative development?

#children #time #computer #games #sports #development

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

These days a lot of time is wasted

with

Change preposition

show examples

video

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

which children play

instead

Linking Words

of exercising sports.

Although

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

phenomenon creates some dangers for children's health and social life, I reckon that it can give some benefits. Admittedly, playing

video

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

has some negative effects which

Change the verb form

are

show examples

visible. To start with, computer

games

Use synonyms

are

cause

Add an article

the cause

a cause

show examples

of health problems ranging from bad posture,

Correct word choice

and vasion

show examples

vasion

Correct your spelling

vision

version

impairment to obesity. We may notice them when young

people

Use synonyms

sit

Verb problem

spend

show examples

more screen time,

also

Linking Words

during playing computer

games

Use synonyms

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

games

Use synonyms

, they eat some snacks.

Furthermore

Linking Words

poor

Correct article usage

a poor

show examples

social life can be joint to disadvantages. If young

people

Use synonyms

stay in

vertual

Correct your spelling

virtual

life

Change preposition

for more

show examples

time rather than balance, they will depend on it.

This

Linking Words

, in

turn

Add the comma(s)

turn,

show examples

makes them

introvert

Replace the word

introverted

show examples

hence

Linking Words

children do not want to communicate with others.

On the other hand

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

situation shows useful aspects

such

Linking Words

as improving cognitive skills.

Video

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

have a wide range of types. In each game, there are its own steps and

Linking Words

this

Change the determiner

these

show examples

steps require critical thinking and

problem solving

Add a hyphen

problem-solving

show examples

skills from young

people

Use synonyms

Initially

Linking Words

the first step is

Linking Words

strightforward

Correct your spelling

straightforward

then

Linking Words

it continues with difficulty little by little.

As a

Linking Words

result

Add a comma

result,

show examples

cognitive skill improves through passing to another stage.

Moreover

Linking Words

, in the modern world, there are more and more opportunities for

video

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

. In developed countries, they are considered

Change preposition

apply

show examples

sports.

For instance

Linking Words

, in China,

people

Use synonyms

create teams for cyber

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

and

this

Linking Words

sport requires being good at playing computer

games

Use synonyms

from members of

team

Add an article

the team

show examples

This

Linking Words

position opens some chances for making money. Generally, playing

video

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

may be

the

Correct article usage

show examples

source of earning money. In conclusion, nowadays young

people

Use synonyms

play

video

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

instead

Linking Words

of engaging in sports more often than not.

While

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

phenomenon is

cause

Add an article

the cause

a cause

show examples

of health problems, I believe that it is

positive

Add an article

a positive

show examples

development in some ways ranging from cognitive skills to making money.

Submitted by Writing9 on Tue Dec 03 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Try to enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use more linking phrases to connect your ideas smoothly.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, especially when discussing the effects on health and social life.

task achievement

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is fully explored, and aim to integrate examples more seamlessly into your arguments.

task achievement

The essay addresses both positive and negative aspects of the topic, providing a balanced view.

coherence cohesion

There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the essay's arguments effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

305 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

allure
captivate
supervise
accessible
scarcity
safer alternative
peer pressure
educational tools
cognitive skills
implications
obesity
poor posture
hand-eye coordination
problem-solving abilities

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
In many countries, more and more women have full-time jobs as men. There is a logic that they should share the housework equally with men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
A lot of women have full-time jobs like men in a lot of regions so they also share the housework with men at the same level. In this essay, I will talk about the resons why I totally agree with it.
6.5
band
The best way to solve the traffic and transportation problem is to encourage people to live in cities rather than suburbs or countryside. What are the effects of rapid population growth in the city? How can the quality of life city dwellers be maintain?
Encouraging urbanization as a solution to traffic and transportation issues poses both benefits and challenges, particularly concerning the effects of rapid population growth in cities and the maintenance of city dwellers' quality of life.
6.5
band
Global warming is one of the various climate issues. Discuss the possible causes ad offer measures to control the damage caused.
Individuals are now facing an unstable climate because of the effect of global warming. In this essay, both reasons and solutions to this matter will be outlined before reaching my conclusion.
5
band
In some countries, private cars are now banned from certain city centers. What are the advantages of such a system and do you feel that this is something that most cities should adopt?
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is environmental pollution and climate change. It affects to various areas of our life. Cars have a huge impact to this problem, since they’re one of the most convenient types of vehicles and it’s difficult to imagine our life without them. However, there is another problematic side of using them, it’s the level of pollution they make.
7.5
band
Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some argue that there should be a standardized punishment for every type of criminal act because it allows the court to have equal rules. Others think that the perpetrator’s background should be considered and this essay believes that some crimes are driven by unfavourable situations thus they do not have other choices.

Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports. Is it positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many countries, more and more women have full-time jobs as men. There is a logic that they should share the housework equally with men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way to solve the traffic and transportation problem is to encourage people to live in cities rather than suburbs or countryside. What are the effects of rapid population growth in the city? How can the quality of life city dwellers be maintain?

Global warming is one of the various climate issues. Discuss the possible causes ad offer measures to control the damage caused.

In some countries, private cars are now banned from certain city centers. What are the advantages of such a system and do you feel that this is something that most cities should adopt?