Today our communications,medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology.Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
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Nowadays,the issue of dependency on computer
technology
in the area of Use synonyms
communications
,medicine and transport is a controversial one.Use synonyms
While
some argue that it has various negative impacts Linking Words
inthese
sectors,many argue that our Correct your spelling
in these
world
has transformed into its most developed era through Use synonyms
Add an article
the internet
internet
.I,personally,believe that media Capitalize word
Internet
communications
,medical coding and as Use synonyms
a
advanced means of travelling are the byproducts of a range of Change the article
an
softawres
.
Correct your spelling
software
To begin
with,media Linking Words
communications
are the sources of Use synonyms
todays
internal and external relationships.As most Change noun form
today's
of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
Use synonyms
is
now busy with their jobs and have less time to meet physically with others,so social platforms help them to maintain that communication.Change the verb form
are
In other words
,many believe that Linking Words
Use synonyms
world
Correct article usage
the world
is now compare
Change the verb form
is now compared
as
a global village Change preposition
to
due to
social media platforms.Linking Words
For example
,Linking Words
people
living Use synonyms
any where
in the Join the words
anywhere
world
can communicate with their friends through Use synonyms
facebook
, Capitalize word
Facebook
instagram
or the like.Change the capitalization
Instagram
Hence
,Linking Words
technology
is crucial to keep up Use synonyms
this
bonding between Linking Words
people
.
Use synonyms
Secondly
,in terms of medical coding,hospital administration can maintain all the Linking Words
patients
records and their critical diseases.SinceChange to a genitive case
patient's
patients'
,
researchers need access to all Remove the comma
apply
these
information to produce various medicines and antibiotics,these Correct determiner usage
this
softwares
data have Correct your spelling
software
a huge benefits
in medical treatment.What is more,scientists may not be able to do any work in their laboratories without Correct the article-noun agreement
huge benefits
a huge benefit
Correct article usage
the intervenning
intervenning
of computers.Correct your spelling
intervening
intervention
For instance
,Linking Words
kovid
19 was Correct your spelling
David
the
pandemic disease that Correct article usage
a
causes
huge Wrong verb form
caused
death
in every country of the Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
world
and scientists created vaccines against it within Use synonyms
few
months Correct article usage
a few
by
the application of advanced Change preposition
through
softwares
.Correct your spelling
software
Consequently
,digital aids are the main factor Linking Words
of
these Change preposition
in
achivements
.
Correct your spelling
achievements
Furthemore
,rapid speed transports or aviation Correct your spelling
Furthermore
technology
are the major contributions of computer science and its Use synonyms
technology
,which in turn,leads to convenient and Use synonyms
time saving
travelling Add a hyphen
time-saving
any where
in the globe.To exemplify itJoin the words
anywhere
is
,a dramatic large electric train can take thousands of passengers in Unnecessary verb
apply
its
single travelling.Change the word
a
As a result
,in most Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
the
cities,Correct article usage
apply
people
can commute within Use synonyms
few
times and in Correct article usage
a few
this
Linking Words
way
it plays a crucial role in time savings.
In conclusion,it is undeniable that the vital role of computers in all aspects of human lives Add a comma
way,
specially
in medical treatments,various ways of transport systems and creating Replace the word
especially
communications
are great Use synonyms
advantage
.Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
However
,some may Linking Words
have
disagree with Unnecessary verb
apply
this
Linking Words
due to
some exceptional reasons,but in my opinion,these benefits are fully for the side of humans.Linking Words
Submitted by bipashaa on
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coherence
To enhance coherence, consider using more linking words and phrases to guide the reader and improve the flow of ideas. This will help in making connections between different sections clearer.
task response
Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points in each paragraph. This will strengthen your arguments and provide clearer evidence to support your stance.
coherence
Ensure each main point introduced in your essay is well-developed and clearly supported. Some points may benefit from additional explanation or evidence.
language accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to improve clarity and readability. Although small errors can be overlooked, they may occasionally obscure your intended meaning.
coherence
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
task response
You addressed the topic comprehensively by discussing multiple fields where computer technology is influential and provided a balanced view.
task response
The examples of COVID-19 vaccine development and rapid transport systems are relevant and effectively demonstrate the impact of computer technology.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example