IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words.

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words.
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pie diagrams illustrate what activities
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
normal working adults, in a specific nation, used to do during a typical day in 1958, and
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
comparing
Wrong verb form
compare
show examples
 it with 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 spent roughly
two-third
Correct your spelling
two-thirds
show examples
 of their day working and sleeping in both the years. Going out with friends and family used to be the third most popular activity in 1958.
People
Use synonyms
 now
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 the least amount of
time
Use synonyms
 on it. In 1958,
people
Use synonyms
 used to work for one-third of the day,
this
Linking Words
 duration was increased to 42%, by 2008.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the
time
Use synonyms
 used for sleeping was shrunk to just
one-forth
Correct your spelling
one-fourth
show examples
, in 2008, from one-third in 1958.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
time
Use synonyms
 spent by
people
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hanging out with relatives was
also
Linking Words
 reduced to less than one-third of what it was in 1958, becoming the least popular activity, in 2008, with only 6%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
Use synonyms
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
given
Verb problem
spent
show examples
 by an average working adult on relaxing , sports and other
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
, and travelling to work was 8%, 6% and 2% respectively. These numbers increased to 13% for relaxing , 8% for sports and 8% for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to work, by 2008.
Submitted by saadanwer89 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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