Many things can influence the academic achievement and emotional growth of a student. In this regard, peers have more of an impact than teachers do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is a common belief that student's school performance and emotional development are influenced more by teachers than by
classmates
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
firmly believe that
classmates
Use synonyms
are more influential
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
students
Use synonyms
are motivated academically by their
peers
Use synonyms
and become more and more mature by socializing with them.
To begin
Linking Words
with,
students
Use synonyms
are motivated by competing with their fellow
classmates
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
usually have a desire to outperform their
peers
Use synonyms
by demonstrating broader knowledge and achieving higher scores. Competition is especially fierce in the classroom, where
students
Use synonyms
study
Use synonyms
the same material in the same place.
According to
Linking Words
a recent survey,
students
Use synonyms
overwhelmingly
started
Correct your spelling
stated
show examples
that their
peers
Use synonyms
motivated them to
study
Use synonyms
more than their teachers.
This
Linking Words
is because competition
played
Wrong verb form
plays
show examples
a key role in their motivation.
This
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
offers strong proof that
classmates
Use synonyms
significantlly
Correct your spelling
significantly
affect a student's academic achievement. On top of that, socializing at school allows children to grow emotionally through cultivating relationships with
peers
Use synonyms
.
Students
Use synonyms
spend a large amount of their time in the classroom.
Classmates
Use synonyms
help them grow emotionally by providing them
new
Change preposition
with new
show examples
ideas, beliefs and experiences.
This
Linking Words
can help
students
Use synonyms
develop a better ability to control their emotions and get
along with
Linking Words
others. One
study
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
, shows that adolescents learn how to control their tempers and cooperate with others mostly by interacting with their friends at school.
This
Linking Words
demonstrates how important relationships with
classmates
Use synonyms
are for
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
emotional development.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
classmates
Use synonyms
create
schoolarly
Correct your spelling
scholarly
competition and help
students
Use synonyms
mature. For these reasons,
it is clear that
Linking Words
a student's academic
achivement
Correct your spelling
achievement
and interpersonal development are affected more by
peers
Use synonyms
than by educators.
Submitted by thanhphat7070 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language
Work on minimizing small spelling errors, such as 'beacause' instead of 'because' and 'significantlly' instead of 'significantly'. These slight inaccuracies do not significantly hinder communication but could be distracting.
Task Response
Enhance the clarity of your ideas by ensuring your main points are distinct and unmistakably connected to the argument. This will help in making the essay more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider organizing your essay more effectively by ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence. This will improve coherence and guide the reader through your argument.
Task Response
The essay presents a clear position on the topic with a well-defined thesis statement in the introduction.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples are provided to support the main points, such as the survey mentioned and the study on adolescents.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed in the essay, reinforcing the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic achievement
  • emotional growth
  • peers
  • impact
  • role models
  • social support
  • motivate
  • strive
  • collaborative learning environment
  • share resources
  • provide explanations
  • self-esteem
  • peer pressure
  • bullying
  • emotional difficulties
  • social dynamics
  • educational environment
  • expertise
  • personal influence
  • daily attitudes and behaviors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: