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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In companies promotion to high positions should be given to employees inside the company, not to someone from outside or new hiring. Do you agree or disagree?

#companies #promotion #positions #employees #company #someone
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Human resources management is the most difficult part of a
company
. Especially when an
entreprise
Correct your spelling
enterprise
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 a new chief. Sometimes, not one among the
exsiting
Correct your spelling
existing
exciting
 employees
meet
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meets
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 the
criterias
Correct your spelling
criteria
.
Therefore
, I think it is better to hire people from the outside to be appointed to fill the high positions.
Firstly
, a
new comer
Correct your spelling
newcomer
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 will bring new approaches. It will create a new spirit for the business' growing and innovation efforts. There are curses of past success when a
company
 tends to use the same strategy over and over again
while
 the situation
have
Change the verb form
has
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 changed. It will not work as it has prevailed in the past.
Secondly
, by hiring
someone
 from the pool of executives outside the
company
, there is a higher possibility that the selection
comittee
Correct your spelling
committee
 could find
better
Add an article
a better
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 person, rather than pick
someone
 from inside. The human resources department could freely enlist the ideal requirements to recruit the right candidate.
However
, there is some weakness in choosing
someone
 from the outside
filling
Wrong verb form
to fill
show examples
 high positions.
This
 risk is regarding the acceptance of the existing employees to the new boss. In my experience, I saw that many companies facing
a
Remove the article
apply
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turbulence
due to
 new technologies, new market conditions, and especially new competitors. Usually, their
high rank
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high-ranking
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 officials are in their comfort zone which
make
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makes
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 them restrain to make some changes. A new boss from outside will fill the needs. In conclusion, it is better to hire
someone
 new in order to lead the
company
 to become more innovative in order to adapt to new challenges.
Submitted by edna.c.pattisina on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by making clearer transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This would make the argument flow more seamlessly.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or case studies to solidify arguments and provide evidence of the points mentioned.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, providing a good framework for the essay's argument.
task achievement
The essay offers a complete response to the task prompt, discussing both sides of the argument and presenting a personal opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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