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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the plans below shows a harbour in 2000 and how it looks today. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features , and make comparaisons where relevant.

#plans #harbour #summarise #information #features #comparaisons
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The two maps illustrate the town of
harbour
Capitalize word
Harbour
show examples
, the first layout shows how the harbour looked before a decade and the other map shows how it looks now.
Overall
, the main change in maps is the addition of the cafes and shop
area
.
Also
, the place for the showering.
Moreover
, The castle was located in the southeast and has now been replaced with a hotel.
However
, the first layout was having two public beaches recently one remains public, and the other one is being privatized. In 2000, the main road in the west of the land of the harbour related to two parking for cars,
although
 related to the
area
 for showering and toilettes. The sea
area
 containing the
area
 for the private yachts lies northwest, and in the southwest situated the fishing boats. Nowadays, the final layout of the land there is cafes and shops
area
 located in the south of the sea.
Although
 there has been placed for a new place for showering and toilettes.
Moreover
, there has been a switch in the places between the fishing boats
area
 and private yachts.
Submitted by llaallaa35 on

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task response
Consider elaborating more on the changes to better illustrate the transformation over time. This will help the reader visualize the developments more clearly and understand the implications of these changes.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and variety of sentence structures. This can help enhance comprehension and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task response
Your essay provides a clear overview of the changes in the harbour, which outlines major transformations in infrastructure and usage over the decade.
coherence and cohesion
The use of directional language (e.g., southeast, northwest) effectively describes the layout changes, aiding in spatial understanding.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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