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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart shows the participation of children is selected leisure activities in Australia. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The bar chart shows the participation of children is selected leisure activities in Australia. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#bar #participation #children #leisure #activities #australia #information #features #comparisons
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The illustration provided above gives information about the proportions of school-age
boys
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 and
girls
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involving
Wrong verb form
involved
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 in five different recreational
activities
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 in Australia. It can be seen that nearly all of both genders
prefere
Correct your spelling
prefer
\ watching TV, and except for
art
Fix the agreement mistake
arts
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 and
craft
Fix the agreement mistake
crafts
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,
boys
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 outnumber in other
activities
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. Regarding the most
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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 leisure
activities
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, all children, regardless of their sex, watch TV programs. following that,
while
Linking Words
 bike riding and computer games are the second most attractive
entertainments
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entertainment
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 for both,
boys
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 have 10% more inclination toward them. Almost 60 per cent of
girls
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 and 70 per cent of
boys
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 like these leisure
activities
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. Turning to other free time
activities
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, the only one which more
girls
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 are pursuing
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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than
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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 gender is art and craft; more than half of
girls
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 and under two-thirds of
boys
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 spend their time
by
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apply
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painting or making something by
hands
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hand
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. The lowest proportions of
girls
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 and
boys
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 are eager to do risky
activities
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 like
skateboararding
Correct your spelling
skateboarding
, and apart from watching TV which has the same proportions for both genders, the gap between
boys
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 who love skateboarding and
roller blading
Correct your spelling
rollerblading
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with
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apply
show examples
girls
Use synonyms
 has the lowest variation among
activities
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, well under 10%.
Submitted by faraisam33 on

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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls, activities with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Participation rates
  • Leisure activities
  • Notable differences
  • Popularity
  • Trends
  • Time period
  • Comparison
  • Contrast
  • Gender preferences
  • External factors
  • Implications
  • Cultural influences
  • Facilities availability
  • Technological effects
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