IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others belive that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #university #students #study #belive #subjects #future #science #technology
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In modern society, it is often assumed that
students
 should study
subjects
 that they want to learn
while
 their
majors
 should be limited to
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 only efficient
subjects
 for the future at
universities
. From my perspective, opinions about both issues are going to be
aruged
Correct your spelling
argued
 in turn.
To begin
 with, I accepted that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 should select practical
subjects
 during
universities
 to prepare for the future because these are likely to be useful and it is deeply associated with earning money. First of all, not only
students
 can have positive effects but
also
universities
 or colleges. Even though there is an exception that people who think that money cannot be a whole of life, they are willing to focus on earning more and
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 salaries.
As a result
, almost all individuals will choose practical
majors
 for themselves.
Additionally
, if educational
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
 put an emphasis on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
useful
subjects
, they can attract
students
 and receive a vast tuition fee, meaning that they do not have to suffer from financial concerns.
For example
, in Korea, a number of
universities
 concentrate on
emphasize
Wrong verb form
emphasising
show examples
 their
majors
 since they are suffering from a lack of
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
. In order to solve
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
, they are enhancing it.
On the other hand
, I am heavily convinced that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 should select
majors
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they want since they do not definitely
lost
Change the verb form
lose
show examples
 their interests.
Furthermore
, they can greatly
posses
Correct your spelling
possess
show examples
 freedom to choose it. In detail, practical
subjects
 can
make
Verb problem
help
show examples
 people solve financial problems but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 cannot resolve innate mental health. Humans should enforce their paces which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 located in their
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
. Fortunately, there are some
unpracitcal
Correct your spelling
practical
unpractical
subjects
 around the world, but it would be needed somewhere.
For instance
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Bitkenstein, who is one of the most famous Austrian
psychologist
Change to a plural noun
psychologists
show examples
 over the globe,
orginally
Correct your spelling
originally
 chose computer engineering but it was boring and challenging for him.
Therefore
, He made a decision to change
other
Change preposition
to other
show examples
subjects
 and
finally
Add a comma
finally,
show examples
 he chose
psycholohy
Correct your spelling
psychology
. He tried his best and he have become the most well-known psychologist. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, useful
sujects
Correct your spelling
subjects
 are considerably important
as well as
 selected ones by
students
.
Submitted by Rndlrdl on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on building more clear logical connections between sentences and paragraphs to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is supported with more specific evidence and examples.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frame the discussion well.
task achievement
The writer makes an effort to discuss both views and provide a personal opinion, which meets the task requirement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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