IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canda the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart below illustrates the expenditure proportions for five vital categories in the United
States
Use synonyms
, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan throughout 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
States
Use synonyms
 proportions of spending for housing
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
considerably
Correct article usage
a considerably
show examples
 high
percentage
Use synonyms
 compared to other regions.
Additionally
Linking Words
, spending shares for
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 care and clothing depicted the lowest percentages in all
countries
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in 2009 the shares of expenditure for housing
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the highest in all
countries
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the United
States
Use synonyms
 had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of over 25%, and the United Kingdom followed closely
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the United
States
Use synonyms
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 proportion of approximately 24%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Food was another crucial category of spending, at
this
Linking Words
 time Japan dominated all regions with over 20% and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
States
Use synonyms
 displayed
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 with under 15%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 care and clothing accounted for the smallest proportion of spending in every single country.
For example
Linking Words
,
clothing
Correct article usage
the clothing
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 was under 10% in all regions and Canada depicted the highest proportion compared to other
countries
Use synonyms
 with nearly 7%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, health care
also
Linking Words
 didn't reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10%,
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 well United
States
Use synonyms
 overshadowed other
countries
Use synonyms
 with roughly 8%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words states, percentage, countries with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "depicted" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 5 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: