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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditure for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditure for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009
#bar #shares #expenditure #five #categories #states #canada #kingdom #japan #year
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The
bart
Correct your spelling
bar
 chart illustrates the information about the proportion of spending shares for five categories over the 2009 period.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 housing accounted for rose steadily over the period,
while
health
care
 and clothing
of
Change preposition
apply
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expenditures
 experienced
smallest
Correct article usage
the smallest
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 rate in all nations. As the bar chart shows housing expenditure in
US
Correct article usage
the US
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 saw
a
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the
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 highest rate around 26% compared to only about 13 % of spending shares in food. The percentage of
health
care
 and clothing
expenditures
 were around 8% and 4% respectively.
Regarding
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Canada's expenditure
of
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on
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 transportation was more popular than other nations
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
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 for over 20%,
whereas
 only
health
care
 and clothing
expenditures
 were nearly 4% and 6%.
By contrast
,
In
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apply
show examples
Japen
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Japan
 saw the same
expenditures
with
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for
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health
care
 and clothing were approximately 4%,
while
 shares of expenditure in food reached a peak
Change preposition
of
show examples
around 23%. Housing and transportation
expenditures
 were 22% and 10% respectively.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
Uk
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UK
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 experienced different
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
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 over the period. More than 20% of spending
of
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on
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 housing which was higher than the figure for food, at around 21%. The
presentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
health
care
 and clothing fell to 3% and 5% respectively.
Submitted by botir2507 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words health, care, expenditures with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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