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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditure for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditure for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009
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The
bart
Correct your spelling
bar
 chart illustrates the information about the proportion of spending shares for five categories over the 2009 period.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 housing accounted for rose steadily over the period,
while
Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 and clothing
of
Change preposition
apply
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expenditures
Use synonyms
 experienced
smallest
Correct article usage
the smallest
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 rate in all nations. As the bar chart shows housing expenditure in
US
Correct article usage
the US
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 saw
a
Change the article
the
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 highest rate around 26% compared to only about 13 % of spending shares in food. The percentage of
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 and clothing
expenditures
Use synonyms
 were around 8% and 4% respectively.
Regarding
Correct word choice
apply
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Canada's expenditure
of
Change preposition
on
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 transportation was more popular than other nations
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
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 for over 20%,
whereas
Linking Words
 only
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 and clothing
expenditures
Use synonyms
 were nearly 4% and 6%.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
In
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Japen
Correct your spelling
Japan
 saw the same
expenditures
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
for
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health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 and clothing were approximately 4%,
while
Linking Words
 shares of expenditure in food reached a peak
Change preposition
of
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around 23%. Housing and transportation
expenditures
Use synonyms
 were 22% and 10% respectively.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
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Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
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 experienced different
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
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 over the period. More than 20% of spending
of
Change preposition
on
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 housing which was higher than the figure for food, at around 21%. The
presentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 and clothing fell to 3% and 5% respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words health, care, expenditures with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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