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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #enjoable #job #money #salary #life
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Some employees consider having an enjoyable company with enough salary to be key for
life
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,
while
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 others think a good salary can lead to a better
life
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. In my opinion, I believe that high
salaries
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 are useful for the
future
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,
whereas
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 an enjoyable
job
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 gives more and brings a good quality of
life
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. On the one hand, many people think preparing for the
future
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 is important. Having a
job
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 without thinking about
salaries
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 cannot bring a good
future
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. Nowadays, stability financing is hard to survive in the world, many essentials are expensive,
such
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 as living expenses, school for children, transportation, and other expenses.
For
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this
Linking Words
 reason, I believe applying for high
salaries
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 is necessary for preparing a good
future
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.
On the other hand
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, having a good environment can lead to a quality of
life
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such
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 as less depression. Many employees risk getting mental problems cause the pressure from their boss or cruel employees. People choosing to have a good environment can increase their self-love which
this
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 way to having a good quality of
life
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.
For
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this
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 reason, I believe when people enjoy their
job
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 or company more effectively for their health it can lead to a good
future
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. In conclusion, getting a good
future
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 depends on the type of salary either stabilized or higher. Some positions require having good
salaries
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,
while
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 others gain more from enjoying the
job
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.
Submitted by dliyaa on

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task achievement
Try to ensure that your main ideas are supported by specific examples or evidence. This will strengthen your argument and enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay by using more linking words or phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your discussion.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument and provided your opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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