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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#children #families #amounts #money #adult #life #parents
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It is often said that
children
 raised in a family with little financial resources are better prepared for adulthood and the difficulties later in life than
children
 who grew up in a wealthy family. I tend to agree with
this
 statement and I will discuss it in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
, I believe that a
child
, who was born in a family with less affluence, can have more adaptability and resilience than a
child
 raised without money concern. Indeed, the issues faced by the family can demonstrate and teach the
child
 how to react and deal with problems. The
child
 will have more tools to face and solve the difficulties later on.
Moreover
, they will
also
 know the principle of making
Correct article usage
an efforts
show examples
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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 and the
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
 of
hardworking
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
.
For instance
, in
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
 families,
children
 often have to work during holidays
instead
 of travelling to some exotic destinations. In
this
 way, they learn how to earn money, they discover the discipline needed at work and how to manage their own salary.
On the other hand
, it is true that
children
 living in poor families can
also
 struggle. Sometimes, the parents are absent, so busy working to earn money that they can’t be present enough for their offspring. In
this
 case, the loneliness of these
children
 can have
dramatic
Add an article
a dramatic
show examples
 impact
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their behavior and will lack preparation and education for adulthood.
To sum up
, I think that
children
 raised in low-income families will be well prepared in life because
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are early exposed
dealing
Change preposition
to dealing
show examples
 with difficulties and they will have more resilience and adaptability.
Submitted by leila.dosso on

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task achievement
Provide a bit more elaboration on your examples to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each idea is fully developed with clear explanations.
coherence cohesion
Clear thesis statement is presented in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Strong concluding paragraph that effectively summarizes key points.
task achievement
Task addressed comprehensively with a balanced argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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