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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the resuits of a survey about people's coffee and teabuying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.Summarise the information by seiecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The chart below shows the resuits of a survey about people's coffee and teabuying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.Summarise the information by seiecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#resuits #survey #people #coffee #habits #five #australian #cities #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart provides information in terms of the percentages of citizen who buy
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea and
also
Linking Words
 their drinking habits in five different regions in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, at first glance, it becomes clear that
Hobart
Use synonyms
 had the highest proportion of buying both fresh and
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the highest average of
people
Use synonyms
 who went to cafes for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea were in both
Hobart
Use synonyms
 and Melbourne regions. It is evident that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 was lower than that of
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
,
whithin
Correct your spelling
within
 all regions .
Moreover
Linking Words
, In all cities,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to go to cafes for drinking. In Sydney,
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 interested in buying fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 was nearly 45%, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of those who bought
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 was a bit higher, nearly 47%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in Melbourne and Brisbane, the percentages of
people
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of individuals who bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in Adelaide city was 35 per cent, much lower than those of
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Hobart
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, a sizeable proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 in
Hobart
Use synonyms
 bought
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
 4 weeks, reaching nearly 55%.
Submitted by mahanz on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, hobart, instant, people, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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