IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people today believe that it is acceptable to use physical force to discipline children, but others feel that it is completely unacceptable. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There has been an ongoing debate as to whether utilizing corporal
punishment
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
in
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 correction cases is acceptable or not.
While
Linking Words
 physical discipline would be better in some cases, I am in
favor
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favour
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 of
a
Correct article usage
the
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 latter opinion. It should be acknowledged that there are some circumstances
which are
Verb problem
that
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required
Wrong verb form
require
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 physical force as a sanction. One of which is when
children
Use synonyms
 take someone's money or their peers' things without consent, hitting them may be the best approach as a
punishment
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. Since after taking disciplinary measures
such
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 as spanking and beating, they may never do these
actions
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,
due to
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 their fear of taking violent punishments.
Furthermore
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, there are some
children
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 who do not obey their parents
or
Correct word choice
and
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 even after
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 understanding, they may continue doing illegal
actions
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.
Therefore
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, for them, punitive
actions
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 are crucial.
Nevertheless
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, I do believe that there are many bodily effects of corporal
punishment
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, ranging from
physically
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physical
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,
Correct word choice
and psychologically
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psychologically
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psychological
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, to
mentally
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mental
show examples
.
Thus
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, punishing kids with personal force is a
wrongly
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wrong
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 decision. First and foremost, humans grow until
20s
Correct pronoun usage
their 20s
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 and physical
punishment
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 might provoke some weaknesses in
human
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the human
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 body, some people might struggle with lifting
weight
Fix the agreement mistake
weights
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 things, owing to these
actions
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 when they are growing,
for instance
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. Not only
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children
Add a missing verb
do children
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 suffer from body pain in
their
Change the word
the
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 future, but they
also
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 lose self-confidence. If one underwent child abuse regularly
in
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at
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 her or
his
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an
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 early
ages
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age
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, it would trigger
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of confidence, since they might feel a sense of fear when they want to do something. So, corporal
punishment
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 should be altered,
for instance
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,
politely
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polite
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 conversation or instruction of
children
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's wrong
actions
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, and restricting them
using
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from using
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 mobile
phone
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phones
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 or going out. In conclusion, I reckon that physical violence to
children
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 affects
badly
Correct pronoun usage
them badly
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, and
also
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, in some situations, it might be a wise decision, there are some alternatives, containing
politely
Change the word
polite
show examples
 conversation and instructions.

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relevant specific examples
Try to provide clearer and more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your position and make your essay more compelling.
logical structure
Review the structure and transitions between your ideas to ensure a more cohesive flow. Some paragraphs can benefit from smoother transitions.
clear comprehensive ideas
Expand on points with more explanations and details to make your ideas more comprehensive and clear.
complete response
The essay tackles both viewpoints, providing a balanced approach to the topic.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
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