The economic growth in developing and developed countries is making people richer. However, the research indicates that people in the developing countries is happier than people in developed countries. What is your opinion on this?
It goes without saying that with continuous growth in
economy
, Add an article
the economy
the
society Correct article usage
apply
make
more Change the verb form
makes
incomes
and Fix the agreement mistake
income
become
wealthier. Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
Although
many surveys demonstrate that the happiness
coming from the
money does not equal Correct article usage
apply
to
Change preposition
apply
happiness
and the developing nations s
seem more joyful than mature ones Change preposition
apply
which
I agree.
On the one hand, the life Correct pronoun usage
apply
expectation
in the developing territories is lower Replace the word
expectancy
compare
to developed countries. So, with Wrong verb form
compared
the
economic growth, they are able to meet their basic needs Correct article usage
apply
such
as ability
to Add an article
the ability
purchasing
a small apartment sooner Wrong verb form
purchase
than
later which Rephrase
rather than
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
to
a happier life. Change preposition
in
In addition
, achieving small achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
the
sense of accomplishment and satisfaction is equal to feeling content which Correct article usage
a
hardly
able to reach Add a missing verb
is hardly
with
the standard of lifestyle among societies in developed nations.
Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, people of mature nation
are under more stress and pressure to maintain the wealth and social status that Fix the agreement mistake
nations
has
defined by Verb problem
is
the
society for them which Correct article usage
apply
impact
their Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
overall
joy. Furthermore
, materialism and consumption among people in developed countries leads
to dissatisfaction Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
in
their effortsChange preposition
with
,
and Remove the comma
apply
has
a negative effect on their Correct subject-verb agreement
have
happiness
. Beside
keeping any relationships alive Correct your spelling
Besides
with
Change preposition
apply
the
lack of feeling fulfilled would likely lead to Correct article usage
a
failing
and more sadness.
In conclusion, Replace the word
failure
Happiness
and contentedness can derived
from factors Add a missing verb
be derived
such
a
Correct your spelling
as
culture
values, lifestyle choices, Replace the word
cultural
relationships
which may differ significantly between developing and developed countries.Correct word choice
and relationships
Submitted by mh.emrani on
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grammar
Ensure subject-verb agreement, such as changing 'the society make' to 'the society makes'.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, especially in the discussion of materialism.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on points about cultural values and lifestyle choices influencing happiness.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The argument is logically structured and flows well between paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic effectively and provides thoughtful insights.
task achievement
Good use of contrast to highlight differences in happiness between developing and developed countries.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.