IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #women #people #income #security #marriage
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One of the modern issues people suffer from is lack of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sleep. It is surprising but it is true, the majority of humans get less sleep than they are supposed to
due to
 various reasons. The main cause of sleep deprivation is stress. Scientifically
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 8 hours of sleep and
constant
Correct article usage
a constant
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 bed schedule to be cheerful and happy.
But
Correct word choice
However
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 owing to stress and
busy
Correct article usage
a busy
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 schedule,
majority
Add an article
the majority
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gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
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 only 6 hours of sleep time which affects the person
through
Change preposition
throughout
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 the day. Concerns about work, school, health, money, relationships and family can keep your mind active at night, making it hard to sleep
therefore
 ruining your
bed time
Correct your spelling
bedtime
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 management. Stress can lead to insomnia
as well as
 other sleeping disorders.
The another
Remove the article
Another
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 cause is phone addiction, almost every human after their long busy day
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
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 their night watching TV or scrolling social
media's
Change noun form
media
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 until
the
Correct article usage
apply
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night. These issues
effect
Replace the word
affect
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 the individual and
people
Correct article usage
the people
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 around them. Sleep deprivation especially changes the person
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 has the problems. The individual becomes unhealthy, sleepy, lazy, inattentive and easily irritated
as a result
this
 affects their work. The people around the person can get yelled at by them
due to
 emotional distress
of
Change preposition
from
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 the lack of sleep,
this
 can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their relationships with their community. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would say that sleep is a very important time and we should rest more.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
Enhance your task achievement by providing more comprehensive examples and details to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a variety of sentence structures to improve the clarity and coherence of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear and distinct main idea that directly links back to the essay question.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure.
task achievement
Acknowledges various causes of sleep deprivation, showing an understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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