IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The table details the international tourist arrivals in millions in 8 countries in 2009 and 2010 and the changes (in percentages).

#tourist #arrivals #millions #countries #changes #percentages
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The table provides data on the
number
 of international visitor arrivals to nine different countries and the percentage changes between 2009 and 2010.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 Germany received the most visitors during
this
 period,
while
 Hong Kong received the least. The
number
 of tourists remained stable in some countries,
while
 others experienced significant changes.In the US, the
number
 of visitors increased by 1.5% in 2010 compared to 2009.
Similarly
, Spain saw a slight rise from 55 to 56 million. The UK experienced a gradual increase of 3.6%, and Italy recorded a 2.3% growth. Turkey and China saw notable growth of 33% and 55%, respectively. Meanwhile, the
number
 of foreign visitors to Germany experienced a dramatic increase of 109%.
In contrast
, Hong Kong experienced a decline of 11%, with visitor numbers dropping from 10 million to 9 million.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Ensure that all data mentioned in the description is accurate and matches the information presented in the table.
coherence cohesion
Consider including a more detailed introduction and conclusion to encapsulate the findings better.
task achievement
The essay effectively summarizes the differences in tourist numbers for each country.
coherence cohesion
Comparisons between countries or across years are clear and well presented.
coherence cohesion
Key patterns and significant changes are highlighted and supported with examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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