Some parents are worried about the increasing level of violence on TV,video games, and other types of entertainment for children's leisure. How does this affect the children. How do you think the problem can be tackled
Some guardians are worried as their offspring are more interested in
television
, Use synonyms
video
Use synonyms
games
and other kinds of entertainment. It affects on child's education and Use synonyms
overall
future. Linking Words
However
, Linking Words
parents
have to educate their Use synonyms
children
about their well-being and success to overcome Use synonyms
this
problem. Linking Words
This
is the main solution. I will explain both Linking Words
the
views in forthcoming paragraphs.
Correct article usage
apply
To begin
with the effects, youngsters like to play Linking Words
video
Use synonyms
games
and watch Use synonyms
television
in their spare time but as Use synonyms
violence
is increasing rapidly, Use synonyms
parents
are stressed because they copy every possible action that they watch Use synonyms
electronic
devices. Change preposition
on electronic
Furthermore
, many juveniles Linking Words
gives
their attention to Change the verb form
give
use
gadgets rather than Wrong verb form
using
do study
and Wrong verb form
studying
also
gradually they start to leave Linking Words
it
and get low marks Correct pronoun usage
apply
in
their exams, which Change preposition
on
put
Verb problem
has
bad
effect on their future as they start to Add an article
a bad
do
crimes because they see Verb problem
commit
violence
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
video
Use synonyms
games
or in Use synonyms
television
because of their failure. Use synonyms
For example
, students who are more interested in electric gizmos as compared to Linking Words
do
hard work in their studies, Wrong verb form
doing
they
not only fail but Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
start to Linking Words
jealous
Add a missing verb
be jealous
with
others and become arrogant and sometimes they commit crimes because they watch Change preposition
of
violence
Use synonyms
in
these gadgets. Change preposition
on
As a result
, learners not only spoil their Linking Words
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
their Linking Words
life
by doing harmful actions.
Moving toward possible solutions, every parent should know what is good and bad for their Fix the agreement mistake
lives
children
. Use synonyms
In addition
, Linking Words
parents
should teach their offspring to get success and its definition in Use synonyms
the
life so that they get encouraged and follow the given guidelines Correct article usage
apply
as well as
Linking Words
they
only show their interest towards having Correct pronoun usage
apply
good
education. It not only helps them to create distance from watching Add an article
a good
violence
or bad things on Use synonyms
television
or Use synonyms
video
Use synonyms
games
but Use synonyms
also
to follow their dreams. To exemplify, 65% of Guardians keep Linking Words
eye
on their Correct article usage
an eye
children
and teach them to Use synonyms
make
distance from Verb problem
keep their
violence
and how to follow their goals Use synonyms
this
effort Linking Words
help
juveniles Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
to
stay focused and achieve success.
Verb problem
apply
To conclude
, Linking Words
although
some youngsters like to play offensive Linking Words
games
and watch videos, it leads them to try their actions which spoil their future and sometimes make them criminal. Use synonyms
However
, some solutions, if Linking Words
parents
support and teach Use synonyms
children
to follow their needs and goals, Use synonyms
this
problem will be tackled.Linking Words
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Coherence and Cohesion
Strengthen the logical connections between ideas to enhance coherence. Try using linking words and phrases to make transitions smoother between paragraphs and points.
Task Achievement
Focus on developing ideas more comprehensively. Provide more detailed explanations and examples to support your main points. This will also help in achieving a higher level of clarity.
Language Use
Pay attention to language accuracy. A few inaccuracies were noted, but they did not significantly affect understanding. However, they could be polished to elevate the quality.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay effectively.
Task Response
You have identified and explained the problem and potential solutions, addressing the essay task comprehensively.
Task Response
An effort has been made to provide examples to support your points, which adds depth to your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example