IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this?

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Nowadays, economic growth has significantly increased wealth in both developing
countries
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 and developed
countries
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.
However
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, it is observed that those
people
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 are less happy than they used to be.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons for
this
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 trend and the lessons that can be drawn from it. In my opinion, there are two main reasons that cause rich
people
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 unhappiness compared
in
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to
show examples
 the past.
Firstly
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, They spend most of their
time
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 working
such
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 as working overtime, attending business dinners, and eating quick meals
instead
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 of healthy food to save
time
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.
As a result
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, there are lack of essential
time
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 for activities
such
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 as exercise, eating healthy food, meditation even medical check-ups. Mostly of unhappy
people
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 develop health problems
for example
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 diabetes, cardiovascular disease or depression.
Therefore
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, they can prevent these illnesses by focusing on their well-being rather than prioritizing work.
Secondly
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, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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family
time
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 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 wonderful opportunity to heal the mind and create
sense
Add an article
a sense
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 of comfort. In developed
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countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 most
people
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 dedicate amounts of
time
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 to work because
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 prioritize earning high salaries for their families, children or parents. Much of
this
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time
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 is spent working when it should be reserved for family activities,
such
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 as resting or having dinner together. The absence of meaningful family interaction can result in
felling
Correct your spelling
feelings
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 of loneliness or even lead to major depression.
Consequently
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,
millionaire
Fix the agreement mistake
millionaires
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 in developed
countries
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 are
foten
Correct your spelling
often
 less happy compared
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the past. In conclusion,
while
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 economic growth has improved living standards, I
also
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 introduced challenges
such
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 as stress and social isolation in developed nations. By prioritizing mental well-being and community connections, societies can ensure that progress leads to both prosperity and happiness.

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grammar
Review proper use of singular and plural forms (e.g., 'there are lack' should be 'there is a lack').
cohesion
Consider improving transition between ideas for smoother flow.
grammatical range and accuracy
Use more varied sentence structures to enhance readability.
task response
The essay addresses the task effectively addressing both parts of the question.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion connect well with the essay's main points.
cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas from introduction through to conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Material wealth
  • Affluent societies
  • Social cohesion
  • Isolation and loneliness
  • Work-related stress
  • Professional expectations
  • Aspirations and reality
  • Environmental degradation
  • Sustainability
  • Consumerism
  • Comparison
  • Life balance
  • Mental well-being
  • Community relationships
  • Sustainable development
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