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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart compares the amount of money (in millions of euros) that people in four different age groups from Paris, France, spent on going to the cinema, restaurants and music concerts in 2019.

The bar chart compares the amount of money (in millions of euros) that people in four different age groups from Paris, France, spent on going to the cinema, restaurants and music concerts in 2019.
#bar #amount #money #millions #euros #people #four #age #groups #paris #france #cinema #restaurants #music #concerts
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The illustrated graph depicts data about how much
money
Use synonyms
 was spent on activities like
concerts
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, having a meal
at
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apply
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outside, and
cinema
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 visits by residents of Paris, France who are 18-86
aged
Verb problem
years old
show examples
 in 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
,
money
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spending
Replace the word
spent
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 at restaurants was the top by all age categories amongst other activities and old aged individuals had spent less
money
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for
Change preposition
on
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 these activities
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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 The amount of spending
money
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 on
restaurants
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurant
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 and
cinema
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 visits fluctuated with the changing of ages. People
who are
Wrong verb form
aged
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 40-55
aged
Verb problem
apply
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had spent the largest amount of
money
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such
Linking Words
 as just above 20
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millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 indicator stayed at the top among other
spents
Correct your spelling
sports
 by 2019.Visiting
cinema
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 lost
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interest with increasing age, so the least amount of
money
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spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
cinema
Use synonyms
 was spent by 56-86 aged individuals and became approximately 8
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millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
Use synonyms
. The increasing age did not pass behind the emphasizing interest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 music
concerts
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.Music
concerts
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 were
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 popular activity among 18-25 aged people and they spent just below 15
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millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 number witnessed
dramatic
Correct article usage
a dramatic
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 decrease among 56-86 aged people and spending
funt
Correct your spelling
funds
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for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 music
concerts
Use synonyms
 became about 6
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
Use synonyms
 and it was
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 minor indicator amongst other
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
.
Submitted by mammadliayshan1 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, concerts, cinema, millions, euros with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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