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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart compares the amount of money (in millions of euros) that people in four different age groups from Paris, France, spent on going to the cinema, restaurants and music concerts in 2019.

The bar chart compares the amount of money (in millions of euros) that people in four different age groups from Paris, France, spent on going to the cinema, restaurants and music concerts in 2019.
#bar #amount #money #millions #euros #people #four #age #groups #paris #france #cinema #restaurants #music #concerts
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The illustrated graph depicts data about how much
money
 was spent on activities like
concerts
, having a meal
at
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apply
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outside, and
cinema
 visits by residents of Paris, France who are 18-86
aged
Verb problem
years old
show examples
 in 2019.
Overall
,
money
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 at restaurants was the top by all age categories amongst other activities and old aged individuals had spent less
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these activities
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 The amount of spending
money
 on
restaurants
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurant
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 and
cinema
 visits fluctuated with the changing of ages. People
who are
Wrong verb form
aged
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 40-55
aged
Verb problem
apply
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had spent the largest amount of
money
such
 as just above 20
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
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apply
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euros
 and
this
 indicator stayed at the top among other
spents
Correct your spelling
sports
 by 2019.Visiting
cinema
 lost
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interest with increasing age, so the least amount of
money
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
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cinema
 was spent by 56-86 aged individuals and became approximately 8
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
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apply
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euros
. The increasing age did not pass behind the emphasizing interest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 music
concerts
.Music
concerts
 were
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 popular activity among 18-25 aged people and they spent just below 15
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
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apply
show examples
euros
.
In contrast
,
this
 number witnessed
dramatic
Correct article usage
a dramatic
show examples
 decrease among 56-86 aged people and spending
funt
Correct your spelling
funds
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 music
concerts
 became about 6
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
 and it was
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 minor indicator amongst other
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
.
Submitted by mammadliayshan1 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, concerts, cinema, millions, euros with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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