IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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In the modern world with higher accessibility to a varied range of education, people have different perspectives toward pursuing them.
While
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 some individuals believe university
students
Use synonyms
 should focus mainly on their core major, others are more positive toward getting varied disciplines and improving in different aspects. I advocate the second group's idea for the following reasons that are mentioned in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, to some individuals
due to
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 the packed curriculum of programs, it seems almost impossible to find any spare time to spend on other subjects .
For instance
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, medical
students
Use synonyms
 must fully focus on broadening their knowledge of health sciences because of the expectation of society from doctors to dominate on disease-specific information, and they may not be respected any
further
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 for their personal artistic talents .
Hence
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, it is assumed that
students
Use synonyms
 must fully commit to their personal discipline to predominate specifically only their own career and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not spend time and energy on irrelevant courses.
On the other hand
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, the second group are in the belief of multitasking. Throughout their normal lives, multiple situations will be faced so
this
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 idea supports them to foster their talents in extracurricular subjects.
For example
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, some must-learned skills
such
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 as computer sciences and language sciences are better to be improved despite the heavy course hours of core majors. To illustrate better, a tourism and hospitality student with computer skills would definitely find more information online and make better databases with
these knowledges
Fix the agreement mistake
this knowledge
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. In conclusion, in spite of some individuals who believe
students
Use synonyms
 should not distract themselves from their main majors, I reiterate that the second approach of fostering multiple skills will probably ensure a more sustainable future,
together with
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 multidisciplinary connections.

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coherence and cohesion
To enhance clarity, consider diversifying your transitional phrases and using more varied conjunctions to better connect your ideas. This will improve the flow of your essay and make your arguments easier to follow.
task response
While your arguments are well-developed, ensure each main point is thoroughly supported with specific examples or evidence. This will strengthen your position and make your essay more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your discussion and final opinion.
task response
You provide a balanced discussion of both views and clearly state your opinion, which shows a strong understanding of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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