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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008

The bar chart shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008
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The bar
chat
Correct your spelling
chart
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 gives
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information about the figures of people who consumed 5
portions
Use synonyms
 of fruits and vegetables each day in the UK between 2001 and 2008
Overall
Linking Words
, men,
While
Linking Words
 the proportion of eating 5
portions
Use synonyms
 of fruits and vegetables to
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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, women and
children
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased over the period of 7 years,
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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 consumed 5
portions
Use synonyms
 at
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
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 level compared with
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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 and
children
Use synonyms
 In 2001, 5
portions
Use synonyms
 eaten by men and
children
Use synonyms
 was
approximate
Change the word
approximately
show examples
 18% and 12% respectively. The percentage of consumption for
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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 remained stable for 3 years at 18%,
then
Linking Words
 it saw an increase in percentage to 35% in 2006
,
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apply
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 and collapsed rapidly to 30% in 2008.
Children
Use synonyms
 consumed a figure of 12% during 3 years
then
Linking Words
 increased sharply to 28% in 2006 and decreased to 23% in 2008 The
percentagle
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 who ate 5
portions
Use synonyms
 was the highest rate. In 2001, the percentage was roughly 21%,
then
Linking Words
 rocketed considerably to 35% in 2006 and
finally
Linking Words
 fell to exactly 30% in 2008

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words portions, children with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • portion
  • consumption
  • trend
  • significant increase/decrease
  • stability
  • public health campaign
  • awareness
  • socio-economic factors
  • health implications
  • daily intake
  • nutritional habits
  • dietary guidelines
  • public policy
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