IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many university graduates cannot find a job in their chosen profession. What factors may have caused this situation and what in your opinion, should be done about it?

#university #graduates #job #profession #factors #situation
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The difficulty of finding a job in the graduate's chosen fields seems to be increasing nowadays.
For instance
, the waiting time of securing an occupation seems to be getting longer. In
this
 essay, I will explain why is it happening and what to do about it.
This
 event is possibly caused by several reasons.
First,
most of the appropriate jobs are centralized in the compact urban area. Better wages and life quality in the city bring a lot of interest from many job seekers across the country causing
a
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tight competition.
Moreover
, inequalities in
education
 are found widely across the country.
For instance
, the countryside provides lower quality
education
 than the city
and
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resulting in inadequate human resource capabilities. Mitigation and prevention actions can be done by the government. Decentralization will be able to spread the load from the city
hence
 providing better jobs in the rural areas.
For example
, when adequate jobs are available in the suburbs, people will be more likely to stay in their area
instead
 of urbanizing.
Additionally
, holding capacity buildings and vocational
education
 have the potential to increase
the
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human resource capacity and prepare them better
in
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for
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the
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job-seeking rivalry. Many graduates are having a hard time
in
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securing an occupation because of centralization and inequalities in
education
. The government can prevent
this
 event by increasing
the
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human resource capabilities through vocational training and decentralization.
Submitted by larasati.sylvia41 on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, consider including more specific examples or statistics to illustrate your points more vividly. For instance, mention the percentage of graduates working outside their field or specific industries with high demand but low supply.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on developing more precise topic sentences for each paragraph to clearly convey the main idea. This will guide readers through your essay more effectively.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies key issues such as centralization and inequalities in education, showing a strong understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion nicely frame the discussion, effectively setting up and wrapping up your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • graduate job placement
  • current job market trends
  • practical experience
  • job openings
  • employment prospects
  • geographical barriers
  • automation and technological advances
  • economic conditions
  • mismatch between education and job market demands
  • over-saturation
  • theoretical knowledge
  • competitive job market
What to do next:
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