IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Modern technology is now very common in many work places. How do you think this changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

#technology #work #places
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Technology
 plays a big role nowadays . It is very important to understand the
the
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apply
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benefit
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benefits
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 of modern
technology
. We must keep up with modern
technology
 because it makes our life
orgnaized
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organised
 and easier. One of the modern
technology
 is using AI ,which means
artificail
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artificial
intallegence
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intelligence
. It can provide a lot of updated information to help you with your projects and
reserches
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research
. There are many advantages and disadvantages of
useing
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using
technology
specialy
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especially
at
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in
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work places
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workplaces
show examples
. Some of the advantages
are get
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are getting
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work
 done very
easy
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easily
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 and quickly . It helps the employee to improve the quality of
work
 and
also
time saving
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time-saving
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. The
disadvatages
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disadvantages
disadvantage
 are very few in my opinion ,
for example
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,
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misuse of modern
technology
 like
sit
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sitting
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on
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at
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 the computer for a long time
it
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apply
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may
effect
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affect
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 your health
that
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apply
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will lead to
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an increase
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increase
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increased
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the
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apply
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obesty
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obesity
 in
the
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apply
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socity
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society
, bad body posture and bad sight . Employee will depend only
in
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on
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 AI and that will
limite
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limit
 their creativity in
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workplaces
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work
 places.
To sum up
 , every modern
technology
have
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has
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 a good and bad side but what
determine
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determines
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 the
benefite
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benefit
benefits
 of using it is you . You can make it
halpfull
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helpful
 for you in many sides
in
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on
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your
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a
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 daily basis and with
assignment
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assignments
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 in your
work place
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workplace
show examples
.
Submitted by kaldsalajmi on

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, try to include more specific examples. For instance, mention how specific technologies like video conferencing tools have transformed meetings or how AI is used in specific industries.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, work on the logical progression between sentences and ideas. Use transitional phrases to better connect your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You identified both advantages and disadvantages of technology, showing a balanced view, which is positive.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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