IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

We live in a world of technologies these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree?

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There are 40000
google
Capitalize word
Google
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 searches every second. (
This
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 sentence is odd) Nowadays, the
internet
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 is one of the most used items daily,
while
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 the
internet
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 has helped many
people
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 reach different goals and get
study
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 materials, there is a different side
of
Change preposition
to
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 it. Personally, I agree with the statement to some extent (what extent? point it but
parafrase
Correct your spelling
paraphrase
. The
internet
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 is a must-have today, as it is the main provider of
information
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. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 almost any type of
information
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 on the
internet
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, from cooking recipes to
study
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 books or guides. Every single human with access to the
internet
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 can use these
study
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 helpers. These assistants come in handy when writing essays, looking for structure, doing a project, and so on. We do not only use the
internet
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 to
study
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 but to keep in contact with our peers, parents and relatives which is extremely helpful
for example
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: photos or messages to
people
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 we love telling them how we have been providing
information
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 and giving context to our situation.
On the other hand
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, its disadvantages play a significant role in determining whether it is advantageous.
People
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 openly spread misinformation and dangerous content, in fact putting children at risk of psychological dangers. Second by
second,
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so
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
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 hazardous videos and files are spread that our
internet
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 security is not in the capability
keep
Fix the infinitive
to keep
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 us safe. To say the least,
people
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 are not safe from all the misinformation and dangerous content on the
internet
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.
In addition
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, the
internet
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 never guarantees the safety of your
information
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. Your
information
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 is almost always in danger meaning that hackers can steal it from government
sites
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. Government
sites
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for
Add the comma(s)
, for
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 example: egov.kz store
information
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 of every registered person from Kazakhstan.
This
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 site is valued highly in terms of personal data, which might be a factor in the site being attacked a lot. It is the same for national banking
sites
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 and their servers which are held using the
internet
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. Basically, the
internet
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 is not always safe for document storing as it might get attacked by
proffesionaal
Correct your spelling
professional
 hackers,
this
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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mainly relates
popular
Change preposition
to popular
show examples
sites
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 which ask for personal
information
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. In conclusion, mattering all the advantages the
internet
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 still has enough disadvantages, like the lack of safety and not enough informational control to argue,so the decision to call it unsafe has been made. Do not spread too much of your personal data and stay safe.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states the extent to which you agree or disagree, as you mentioned personally agreeing but didn't specify the extent. Try to rephrase that part to bring more clarity.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization of paragraphs for better logical flow. Currently, the transition from one point to another is not as smooth as it could be.
task achievement
Ensure that each argument is clearly supported with specific examples and details to make your points stronger.
coherence cohesion
You have presented an introduction and a conclusion in your essay, which helps the reader to understand your stance.
task achievement
You have outlined both advantages and disadvantages of the internet, which shows an attempt to give a balanced view on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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